


Make you feel better

by Val1234



Series: Make you feel better [1]
Category: Red Hot Chili Peppers (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-01
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-05-17 00:06:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 34
Words: 39,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14821488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Val1234/pseuds/Val1234
Summary: When John returns to the band after his long absence, he and Anthony realise they still have feelings for each other.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a slash fanfic about Anthony Kiedis and John Frusciante. This is in no way related to real life, I do not know any of the characters involved, this is purely fictional.

After fighting, and trying, and trying harder for a whole year, he was finally free. He had healed. He looked at himself in the mirror. He didn't reject the image anymore. He could finally not feel sorry for that person he was seeing. Slowly but surely, he had come back to life. It was late at night and John was ready to go to bed when the doorbell rang. How strange. Who could that be? He went to answer.  
"Hi stranger" Flea was standing in the door with a smile.  
"Hey! Come on in!" John said enthusiastically. He was always happy to see Flea. "Make yourself comfortable, I'll bring you something to drink"   
"No wait, no need" Flea told him. "You see, this is not just a friendly visit. I need to talk to you about something"  
John swallowed thickly. What could possibly had happened? Everything was going fine...  
"Relax, it's a good thing" said Flea, sensing his friend's nervousness. "At least I hope so" he added. He was starting to feel nervous himself.  
"Oh... Okay, what's up?" John relaxed a bit.  
"Well, the boys and I, we've been talking a lot... You know, about the band and stuff" Flea began.  
"Oh, yeah, how are things going?" John asked, feeling a sting of jealousy.  
"No need to be polite" Flea laughed. "I know you didn't like the album. I didn't either. I think no one did. Things weren't working out with Dave"  
"Really? He's a very good musician" It hurt John to admit that.  
"He is indeed, but there was no chemistry. And you can't force that. Which is actually what brings me here" Flea said. "We've been talking about the future of the band. You know, since Dave left. And we got to the conclusion... That there's no band without you. We want you back John, what do you say?"   
John couldn't believe his ears. What was happening? It had to be a joke, right?  
"Wh-what?"  
"Yeah, why not? Let's face it John, we were made to play together, there's no one better than you, we need you"  
"You mean like... Me... Playing with you guys" John was still in shock.  
"Well, that's usually what you do in bands" Flea laughed.  
"Are the other guys okay with it?" John asked.  
"Of course!"   
"Anthony too?" It was hard for John to believe that Anthony wanted him back. Their relationship hadn't ended in exactly the best terms.  
"We all want you back John" Flea looked at him intently. "And not only because you're the best guitarist of the whole fucking world, but because you're OUR guitarist. The Chili Peppers of Blood Sugar are the best ones because you're there. Say yes, come on"   
"Yes... Yes, of course I'll come back" tears started to fall from John's eyes, but he didn't mind. Flea had seen him cry before, and this time it was happy crying. The two men hugged. He was back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the studio, Anthony and John finally meet.

Anthony couldn't believe it when Flea told him John would come back. He had seen him sparely in the last years. And every time he'd seen him, he wasn't being himself. He was just the shell of the man's he once had been. It had broken his heart. He felt guilty for having abandoned him. So for him, hearing that he was back was like a dream come true. And not only because that meant that the band would keep going. The two of them still had a lot of things to work out. A lot of apologies to make. A lot of make up to do.  
But Anthony kept wondering if it would be too late. They had hurt eachother so much. Would there still be a chance? Yes, yes there would. He would make it happen. He'd make it up to John for all the time they had wasted. He hoped...

___________

"You okay?" Chad asked, handing Anthony a cigarette.  
"Yeah, it's nothing, I'm just a little nervous" the singer lit the cigarette and started smoking anxiously. He looked at his watch. "He should be here by now"  
"Relax, he's only ten minutes late" Chad said.  
"What if he changed his mind?"  
"He said he would come, okay? And Flea told us he was fine. He'll be here soon"  
"But what if..."   
The sound of the door opening interrupted him.  
"Johnny!" Flea came practically running from the control room to meet his friend. They hugged. Chad joined them and Anthony followed them shyly.  
Chad hugged John as well.  
"Good to see you back buddy" the drummer said to him.  
"Thanks, is good to be back" John replied. That's when he saw Anthony.  
"Hi" the singer said.  
"Hi..."  
They looked at eachother silently for some moments until Anthony couldn't take it anymore. He threw his arms around the guitarist and hugged him. A little unsure, John hugged him back. Since that moment, Anthony knew there was still hope. Yes, of course they would work things out. And the proof was that John was there. It was him. Not a lifeless skeleton consumed by his addiction. It was John. He was there. And he was hugging him. It was a little awkward and John was very shy, but it was him. He was back. They would work things out. He knew it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anthony and John are alone in the studio and decide to open their hearts.

Anthony was still trying to figure out how to speak to John. It was harder than he thought. During practice, when the four of them were together, it was magical, as it had always been. Only better, because John was now a new man. Someone who was free from his addiction and ready to put all his energy in the music. Someone who knew what he wanted and what was best for him. And that scared him. What if John didn't want him back?   
That night, John had stayed in the studio after practice. He was clearing his thoughts. While he was mindlessly playing his guitar, the door opened.  
"Oh, sorry" Anthony apologised for interrupting him. "I forgot my wallet"  
"That's okay" John said, a little embarrassed that he had been caught in one of his meditative states.  
"What was that you were playing?" Anthony asked him while looking for his wallet.  
"Oh, nothing really. Just fooling around, you know. I hadn't realised how much I missed this"  
"And we missed you" Anthony said. He found his wallet under the cushions of the couch and sat beside John. "Can we talk for a minute?"   
"Sure" John left his guitar on the side. "What's up?"  
"I... I don't know how to start" Anthony got nervous all of the sudden. "I'm sorry John"  
"Sorry? For what?" He asked. And idea crossed his mind and made his heartbeat faster. "Did you guys not like how I played? Do you want me out?"  
"What? No! That's the last thing we would do, what are you talking about?"  
John relaxed.  
"Then why did you apologise?"  
"Well, because of everything! I'm sorry John, I'm so terribly sorry I wasn't there for you. Giving up on you was the worst mistake I've ever made and I'll never forgive myself for that. I should have..."  
"Anthony, what are you saying?" John interrupted him. "You have nothing to apologise for. I gave up on you, I locked you out"  
"Because I pushed you away!"  
"Because I was toxic!" John said, looking down. "I was making everyone miserable. You did what you had to do. Why should anyone have stayed?"  
Anthony gently lifted his chin up with his hand.  
"I should have stay because I loved you. I loved you then and I love you now. And I was a coward by running away. I should have been there for you like you'd always been there for me. And I'm sorry. But if you let me, I promise this time I will be enough. I want to make you feel better. I want us to heal. Together"  
John couldn't believe what he was hearing. Was he also getting the love of his life back? He thought he'd lost him forever...  
"Of course I'll let you, nothing would make me happier" John said, on the verge of tears. Anthony cupped his face with his hands and gently kissed him. Oh, they'd been longing for that kiss for so long! They held eachother tight once they broke the kiss and they knew, right there, right then, that nothing would ever come between them.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After rehearsal, Anthony prepares a special surprise for John.

John's POV

We'd been working for a whole week. The best fucking week of my life. The band was so connected and it made me feel alive. Also, Anthony and I had been doing lots of things together since we had that talk. It was going really well. Sometimes we would take long walks in the park, sometimes we would go to his place and hang out. So far, nothing had happened, we would just lay together, talking, staring at the ceiling, with my head in his chest, occasionally sharing deep kisses. I was so happy. I never would have thought my life would change so much in such a short time. I got my band back, and then the one I love gave me another chance. It was heaven. I was thinking about this when the touch of a hand in my shoulder snapped me back to reality.  
"Hey. You okay?" It was Flea.  
"Yeah. I was just taking a moment, you know, I got in that Buddha state" I laughed. "I'll be right back"  
"Well, take your time" he replied. "I was just checking, no rush"   
I smiled at him. I loved him. During the years I was locked out from the world, Flea had stood by my side unconditionally. He was such a good person, and I would be eternally grateful to him, I was sure of that. Of course, he never reproached me anything. He never even mentioned it.   
I went back with the band and we started playing. We were just fooling around, trying to fit some lyrics Anthony had written into a basic melody we had. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He was so beautiful. I smiled at him when he dedicated me a verse. He blew me a kiss. Rehearsal lasted until late at night, mostly because nobody wanted to go home. We were too inspired to leave.  
"I have a good feeling about this" Chad commented when we finally finished.  
"Me too. This is gonna be our greatest record, mark my words" Flea agreed.  
"Or course it will. John's back" Anthony kissed my cheek. I blushed.  
"Okay, love birds. See you later" Flea laughed. When I turned to bid Chad farewell, I caught Flea winking an eye at Anthony, who punched him playfully in the shoulder.  
"Come with me" Anthony said to me later. "There's something I wanna show you"   
"Of course" it had to be big, judging by the way Flea had teased him. We drove to his house, talking about the new songs we'd come up to. When we got to his place, he stopped before opening the door. He held my hands.  
"I just want you to know how much you mean to me" he said, making my heart beat fast. "Being with you has made happier than I'd ever been. Thank you for giving me another chance. I will never let you down again"   
"You didn't let me down. I thought you had. I thought that for a long time. But the truth is that I got away from everyone and everything. Don't blame yourself. We're together now, that's all that matters. Let's enjoy the moment" I told him. He smiled and opened the door. The inside was beautiful. The lights where dim, and there was a beautifully set table in the back. He put a hand on my lower back and gently guided me to the table.   
"What is this?" I asked with a wide smile.  
"I made you dinner" he answered. "I hope you like it. I'm not a great cook but I think this one turned pretty good. Make yourself comfortable, I'll bring the food"  
Some minutes later, he came back with a stunning dish. It looked really good.  
"Homemade mushroom risotto" he said proudly. I tried it. It tasted amazing.  
"Mmm... It's delicious"   
"Really? You like it?" He was practically beaming.  
"I love it. Thank you" I said. I was really touched by the gesture. He didn't even like vegetarian food. We ate that great meal in comfortable silence, exchanging small smiles every so often. I took his hand across the table. He squeezed it. After we finished, he held my hand and told me to follow him. He led me to the bedroom, where he had lit candles and turned off all the lights. The room looked beautiful. He gently cupped my face and started kissing me. I responded to the kiss eagerly. He grabbed me by the waist and pulled me closer. Gosh, he was beautiful. While we kissed he led me to the bed. He got on top of me and went kissing down my neck, making me shiver. I was enjoying the moment, lost in the wonderful sensation of his touch, but when he slid his hands under my shirt I involuntarily tensed. That's when it hit me. I wasn't ready. I loved him, I really did, but it was just too much for me. I was still vulnerable. But he had prepared that wonderful evening for me. How could I reject him?   
His hands slowly stopped, confusing me. What was he doing?  
"Don't worry baby" he said, kissing my cheek. "Let's just lay here, we don't need to do anything else"  
He wrapped me in his arms before I could respond. He knew me so well. For a moment, we stayed silent, my head resting in his shoulder.   
"I'm sorry" I finally said.  
"For what?" He asked distractedly. I looked at him. "Oh! Don't be silly!" He laughed.  
"I'm serious, you prepared all this and..."  
"I did all this because I love you and nothing more" he interrupted me. "It doesn't mean you owe me anything, let alone that we have to do something you don't want to, don't ever feel that way"  
He held me tight, to avoid any kind of refutation.  
"By the way" I said. "I love you too"  
We stayed like that until we fell asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John finally opens his heart and, with Anthony's help, he starts to heal.

Anthony's POV

The album was going great. The band was in it's best moment and the four of us knew it. When we were together, it was magical, we really clicked and the results were the proof. However, John had been acting very strange whenever we were left alone (which was very often because Chad and Flea were being really good friends and trying to give us space).  
I wouldn't know how to describe his attitude. It not that he was unkind, he was... Distant, tense. I didn't know why and it was killing me. Had I done something wrong? What was it?  
When Flea went to answer a call and Chad went outside to smoke, I decided I couldn't take it anymore and confronted him.  
"Hey" I called him. He was immersed in his playing. "Can we talk for a moment?"  
"Huh? Oh, sure" he left his guitar aside. "What's up?"  
"That's what I would like to know. What's going on?"  
"I don't know what you're talking about" he pretended.  
"Oh come on! You've been acting weird all week! You get all tensed when I'm around you, I kiss you and you don't kiss me back, you only say 'I love you' when I say it first. Did I do something to upset you? If that's so, please tell me, but I can't stand feeling you so distant" I tried to sound firm, but it was almost like a plea. The truth is that, even though I didn't want it to show, I was scared. I had already lost him once, I wouldn't be able to bear losing him again. I sat beside him and looked him in the eyes closely.  
"Whatever it is, we can work it out" I told him, hiding my tears. "But you have to tell me what's worrying you because otherwise we can't move on"  
John took several deep breaths, his eyes watering. I saw a lot of hurt in his eyes, like I had only seen when I saw him in his worst moments. It was that same pain in a healthy body.  
"I just..." He started, his voice cracking. "I can't... I mean, last week when we almost... I can't Anthony, I'm sorry. I want to, I really do, but I'm scared. When you touched me and I felt we were getting close to... You know... It freaked me out, I'm just not ready" at this point, he was already crying.  
"Don't worry honey, it's okay" I gently held his hand in mine, calming him down. "It's not big deal. But tell me honestly, what is it that scares you so much?"  
"I just don't know how long it will take until I'm ready" he explained. "And I'm worried I won't be good enough for you and..."  
"Hey, no, don't go there" I interrupted him. I couldn't stand hearing him say those things. "You are not only enough but also everything I want and need. This is not about sex, I can wait for as long as you need. I love you and only you. I want you to feel good with yourself. I want you to be happy"  
"I want you to be happy too" he said. "And I don't want to hold you down, I will understand if you need to be with someone who can..."  
"You are the only one I want to be with. Don't ever think otherwise. When I'm with you nothing else matters. I thought I had lost you John, and I swear to God I would cry myself to sleep every night thinking I could never be with you like this again. You still don't get it, don't you? I'm in love with you"  
I couldn't believe how calmed I was while saying those things. Maybe because I had never been so sure about anything in my entire life. John, however, was a mess of tears and it broke my heart. That's when I finally understood how scaring the past few years had been for him. Somewhere along the way, he had lost his confidence and self assurance. Although he had gotten better physically, his emotional wounds were still open. He still needed to be cured. Of course he would feel like he wasn't enough, he had felt like shit for the last six years.  
"Listen babe" I said, holding his hands. "You must never feel like you're not enough. You are the most intelligent, caring, loving and generous person I've ever met. You are a great man" he blushed at my comment. "I know you can't see it yet, but you will. And until then, I promise I'll be right there to remind you"  
I dried his tears and pressed my forehead against his. He held me tight and I could feel the walls finally breaking as he melted against me. I had found him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Anthony spend a special night.

John's POV

My life was amazing. Better than that, it was wonderful. I was cured, I had my band and I had the love of my life. It felt like I was dreaming, I couldn't ask for anything more. Since we'd had that talk, Anthony and I were better than ever. I had finally let go of all my fears and started enjoying at the fullest. He was so understanding and sweet, I felt so safe and loved with him. There was no sensation more beautiful than waking up and finding myself in his arms. He looked like an angel when he was asleep. I loved him. A lot. We were at his house and he was laying on the couch, writing in his notebook. Instinctively, I leaned over and kissed him. He looked surprised, but it took him less than a second to kiss me back.  
"What's gotten into you?" He asked with a smile. "Not that I'm complaining of course"  
"I couldn't help it. You look so beautiful when you're concentrated" I answered. His smile widened and he kissed me again. And again. And before we knew it, I'd taken my shirt off and he was on top of me, kissing all over my chest. He didn't rush me, he hadn't gone any further than kissing. But this time, I was sure. I wanted more. I pushed him closer to me, so he could see I was okay with him going further. He got the message. His hand went down and started slowly stroking my cock. Oh God... It was so good.   
"Is this okay?" He asked.  
"Yeah, keep going..." I sighed. Oh... I hadn't felt that pleasure in a long time.  
He smiled and kissed my chest quickly before going down and undo my pants. He pulled my underwear down, exposing my cock, and took me in his mouth.  
"Oh fuck, Anthony..." I moaned. He was so good with that. He sucked the tip as his hands worked on the base, making me pant. Oh, I felt I was about to come...  
"Wait, Anthony, stop" I told him. He stopped immediately.   
"I'm sorry. Was it too much for you?"  
"No, is not that. I want you" I said. "I want to feel you"  
"Are you sure? We don't have to..."  
"Yeah, I'm sure. I trust you. I know you'll make me feel good" I blushed saying that. It may have sound cheesy, but it was true. Fortunately, he understood.  
"Of course I will babe. C'mere" he said softly.  
He gently turned me over and, while caressing my thighs slowly, he inserted a finger. I gasped. It hurt a bit, but it was nice. He kissed his way down my spine, making me shiver. Carefully, when I was used to it, he worked another finger inside me, thrusting slowly.   
"Ahh..." I moaned, almost imperceptibly. After thrusting for some moments, he inserted a third finger. This one hurt a bit more, but nothing compared to the pleasure I was feeling. He stayed still for a moment, waiting for me to adapt. I wondered if he'd be getting impatient and wanted to get inside me already.  
"Shh..." He soothe me, like reading my mind. Or my corporal language. "We have no rush honey, I want you to enjoy this"  
He slowly moved his fingers a few more times. But I was ready, and he sensed that. He removed his fingers and kissed the back of my neck.  
"I'll be right back babe" he said. He opened a drawer and found lube and a condom. I laughed. Of course he'd have those. I felt the sound of the condom being opened and it made me shiver. He poured some lube in his cock and positioned himself between my legs.  
"Okay. I'm gonna go nice and easy on you, but it's gonna hurt a little. You just... Tell me when to stop okay?" He said. I nodded. He started pressing very slowly inside me. I felt a slight pain, but nothing intolerable. He kept pushing until he was completely inside me.  
"You alright?" He asked.  
"Yeah"  
"I'll start moving then..."  
With that, he started thrusting. I was moaning out of control. It felt so fucking good. He held my hand and squeezed it while he moved inside me. I turned to kiss him.   
"You like it?" He asked, our foreheads pressed.   
"Yeah... Yeah, it feels amazing"  
He smiled at that, and started moving faster. Oh fuck. It was so beautiful it was almost overwhelming. He was so gentle. I felt like a virgin again. And I was so glad he was my first. He nibbled my shoulder, and that sent me over the edge.  
"Oh God... Anthony, I'm gonna..."  
"I know. Come on" he said. He started stroking my cock at the same rhythm of his thrusts. With that, I came all over the couch. It only took Anthony a couple more minutes, and then we were laying in the couch, breathing heavily.   
"That was beautiful" I said, catching my breath. "Thank you"  
"I'm glad you enjoyed it. I loved it too" he kissed me. "You wanna take a nap? I can clean this later"  
"Yeah, sounds good"  
He took my hand and we went to the bedroom, falling asleep the minute we hit the pillow.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the band's first concert since John's return, and the boys help each other gain confidence.

"Tomorrow's the day, kids" Flea said, excited. The next day was the first big show of the band. People had reacted even better than expected to John's return. It wasn't really a surprise to anyone, except maybe for John. He really thought he'd been forgotten.   
"Everybody loves you John, and they're happy you're back" Anthony had told him. But he wouldn't believe until he saw the crowd. That's why he was so nervous, and that's why Anthony had proposed that they spend together the night before the show. The answer, of course, was an emphatic 'yes'.   
The band was taking a break from rehearsal when Anthony called John.  
"Come with me, I've got something I wanna show you"   
"Of course" John answered. He followed Anthony to the next room.  
"Close your eyes" Anthony said. John looked at him suspicious. "C'mon, close them!"  
"Okay..." John did so, and he heard as Anthony was moving stuff. "You better be fully dressed when I open them!"  
That made the singer laugh out loud.   
"Alright, you can open them" he said. John opened his eyes and found a big package.  
"Open it" Anthony rushed him.  
John opened the package and found a beautiful Fender Stratocaster guitar inside.  
"Oh my God, for real?" He asked. He sounded like a child at Christmas.   
"Of course. For the show tomorrow and hopefully for many more. You are a top notch guitarist, you have to play only with the best" Anthony said. It may have seemed like an average present between musicians, but they both knew the special meaning it had. During his darkest time, John had sold all his guitars for drugs and now he was playing with a crappy one. That meant the beginning of a new chapter in his life. A chapter in which he'd have Anthony by his side. What could be better?  
John held the singer.  
"Thank you. I love you so so much" he said.  
"I love you more" Anthony replied.  
They came back with the band.  
"Finally!" Chad pretended to be pissed. "What the fuck where you doing in there?"  
"Do you really want to know?" Anthony winked at him. John rolled his eyes.  
"I don't know about you, but I definitely don't" Flea said to Chad.  
"Look" John showed them the guitar.   
"Wow, it's beautiful" Flea said.   
"I know" John held Anthony's hand.   
"Chad, why don't you ever treat me like that?" Flea teased him.  
"Because you never put out" Chad simply replied. Everybody laughed.  
"I think we better give this two some space, right John?" Anthony said.  
"Oh please! You just wanna get me alone to get into my pants!" John pretended to scandalise.  
After the laughter, the group fell silent.   
"Guys, now seriously. I love you" Flea said. "I couldn't be happier to be sharing this moment with you"  
"We know. We love you too" John patted his shoulder.   
"It took some time, but it had to happen" Anthony said. "The four of, it was meant to be"   
"I wouldn't have it any other way" Chad added.  
The boys smiled at eachother. They didn't need to say anything else.

____________________________

"Come on in" Anthony said, opening the door. After the rehearsal, the band had gone out to dinner, and now Anthony and John were at the singer's house, where they would spend the night.   
"Thanks" John said. "And thanks for inviting me tonight. I'm so nervous I don't think I could get any sleep if I were on my own"  
"Always glad to help" Anthony grinned, although he wasn't planning on letting John go to sleep too soon. John sat on the couch and Anthony stood behind him, massaging his shoulder. The guitarist let out a sigh.  
"You're gonna be great babe" he murmured in his ear. "The people love you. We love you. I love you"  
The touch of Anthony's hand was amazing and relaxing. It almost made John forget about the concert. 'Oh fuck' he thought. 'I'm thinking about it again'. He tried to concentrate in the feeling of Anthony's massage, but he had already tensed and the singer noticed.   
"How 'bout I take your mind off of it?" Anthony whispered in his ear. John sighed. But he had something else in mind.  
"I got a better idea. C'mere" the guitarist said. Anthony sat beside him. John kneeled in front of him and pulled Anthony's pants down, exposing his cock. He started sucking, staring at the singer's eyes the whole time. Anthony moaned. John started sucking harder. He wanted to give his boyfriend as much pleasure as he could. He wanted to show him how much he loved and appreciated him. He focused on taking him in as much as he could.   
"Oh God John" Anthony moaned heavily. He was really enjoying it. And so was John. The singer put a hand in John's head and gently pushed him down. John got the hint and opened his throat to take more of his cock in. Anthony felt he was getting close.   
"Oh John... I'm gonna cum" he warned him. John sucked harder, and seconds later Anthony came in his mouth. The guitarist swallowed it all and then waited for Anthony, who was panting hard, to recover from his orgasm. When his breath got back to normal, the singer looked down and found John sat on his feet, looking at him expectantly.  
"So? Was it good?" He asked.  
"It was great" Anthony answered, leaning to kiss him. And he meant it.  
John climbed up to sit beside Anthony, who slid a hand under his underwear and started stroking his cock.   
"Your turn" he grinned.   
It only took the singer a few moments to get his boyfriend moaning heavily as his skilled hands worked his way to John's orgasm.   
"My God" the guitarist panted.   
"You look so hot like this. I wanna see you come nice and hard for me"  
John moaned a couple more times, before coming all over Anthony's hands.   
"You are a giver, aren't you?" John said to his boyfriend.  
"Just with you love. Just with you"  
That night John slept like a baby. He had forgotten completely about his worries.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The show was a stunning success. However, afterwards, a ghost from the past threatens the couple's happiness.

The crowd was crazy, screaming and calling the boys' names. It was only ten minutes before the show started and John was really nervous.  
"Hey" Flea told him. "It's gonna be fine Johnny, I promise"  
John smiled weakly.  
"I mean it" Flea assured him. He sat next to him. "Talk to me"  
"About what?"  
"About anything. Tell me what's on your mind"  
"Well, I'm positive I'm about to have a nervous breakdown".  
"Okay, so what would make you feel better?" Flea asked.  
John hesitated. "I don't know. I just don't want to fuck things up"  
"Why would you fuck things up? You've been rehearsing, you're extremely talented and we have your back. And what's more important, we will always have your back"  
"Thanks man. I suppose it will all be alright as soon as I go up on stage"  
"Relax, you won't fuck it up" Flea said, getting up. He started walking towards the door, but then he stopped and turned back to John. "But let's suppose you do. Let's suppose you have bad luck, you can't concentrate and you fuck things up. That won't change a thing. We all have bad days okay?"  
John smiled. Flea always said exactly what he needed to hear.  
"Ready honey?" Anthony asked, coming from behind him.  
"Yeah. Let's do it" John said, sounding a lot more confident.  
Three hours later, the concert was over and the boys were hanging out in the dressing room. They looked radiant.  
"It was amazing" John said. He was glimmering.  
"You were amazing" Anthony kissed him. John blushed.  
"So were you" he replied.  
"Chad let's go, I can't stand this" Flea joked.  
Like half an hour later, the boys were outside, where a car was waiting for them to take them home. But Anthony wasn't there yet.  
"What's taking him so long?" Chad asked.  
"I don't know. I'll go check" John said, going back inside. He couldn't find him anywhere in the venue so he went to the dressing room. The bathroom was empty.  
"Anthony!" He called him, unsuccessfully.  
"Love? We're waiting for you!"  
He heard voices coming from the next room. He got closer. It was Anthony. Apparently talking on the phone with somebody.  
"What do you want me to do? I told you Dave, this is the way it is..."  
John felt his stomach tightening. What was going on? That couldn't be good.  
"Yeah, it was great, but it's over..." Anthony was saying. "I had fun too, but let's face it, we both know it wasn't working... Alright, alright, I'll see when we can meet... I don't know, I'll take care of it... Yeah, okay, bye Dave"  
When Anthony hung up, John got away from the door, so the singer wouldn't notice he'd been eavesdropping.  
"Hey! I thought you'd be outside already" Anthony told him.  
"I came for you" John answered.  
"Aw, aren't you sweet? Let me grab my coat and we can go" Anthony said. After grabbing his stuff, he held John's hand and they got out.  
John tried not to worry, but it was impossible. What was that phonecall about? And why the hell would Dave need to meet with Anthony?  
"So what took you so long?" John asked innocently.  
"Oh, just a phonecall, nothing important. Hey, how about we watch a movie tonight?" Anthony changed the subject. That didn't help calm John's mind. He tried not to think about it. Of course, he didn't succeed.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a conversation with Flea, John tries to confront his boyfriend about his past.

"Flea, you've known Anthony since you were, like, really young, haven't you?" John asked. He had visited Flea and they were having coffee.   
"Yeah, since high school. We've been best friends ever since" Flea answered.  
"So you could say that you know him better than anyone, right?"  
"Well, yeah, you could say that" Flea was confused. The conversation was a little strange. "Why, is everything okay?"  
"I need to ask you something... And maybe you won't like it but I ask you to answer sincerely" John said.  
"Oh no, is he using again? Please tell me he's not" Flea sounded alarmed.  
"No, no, it's not that. At least I don't think he is. It's about something I... Overheard" John didn't dare to say he was snooping around.  
"And what did you 'overheard'?" Flea asked.  
"A phonecall"   
"So you were eavesdropping" Flea didn't sound mad, he actually looked quite amused.  
"Yeah, yeah, alright" John blushed. "Anyway, what I overheard has been haunting me ever since then. Which is why I need to ask you... What kind of relationship did Anthony have with Dave? You know, before things went south"   
Flea straighten up, clearly disturbed by what John had said. "He was talking with Dave?" He asked.  
"Yeah..." John didn't like Flea's reaction. It fed his worries. "Why is that so bad?"  
"Well, technically it isn't" Flea said. "Because technically Anthony is not using anymore. But when Dave joined the band they started shooting up together. I mean, they both quit already, but you know... I worry. And about that other thing" Flea added. "You need to talk to Anthony about that. It's not for me to say"  
Something in John's chest tightened, but he hid it.  
"Yeah, I will. Definitely. Thank you man" he said.  
"Anytime friend. Just phone me, or come by if you need to talk" Flea answered smiling.  
John went home immediately and called Anthony, his heart racing.   
"Yeah?" Anthony answered.  
"Hi" John said, relieved he'd picked up. "You wanna hang out?" He asked, pretending to be breezy.  
"Oh hi love! Sorry babe, I can't. I have to run some errands. But why don't you come by this evening?" Anthony proposed.  
"Well, sure, but maybe I can go with you" John said, trying not to sound too desperate.  
"Honey, you'd get bored. It's just paperwork, nothing important. We'll meet in the evening, okay?"   
"Okay..." John resign himself.   
"Great. You can come around 7. Bring your key, because I don't know if I'll be there already. But show yourself in. I gotta go, see you later, love you!" Anthony hung up, not waiting for John to answer.  
Okay, it wasn't that bad. He'd see him at night, they'd talk about it. It would be fine.  
That evening, John went over to Anthony's house. His car wasn't there, so he assumed he hadn't arrived yet. It was 7 o'clock. He'd been too punctual. He couldn't help it, he wanted to see him as soon as possible. He entered the house and waited sitting in the couch. He smiled as he remembered the first time they'd been together in that same place. He was lost in his thoughts when he heard a car pulling over. Good, he was home. The door opened and he heard voices. John frowned. He'd brought company.  
"Sorry about the mess" Anthony said.  
"Don't worry about it" the voice that answered froze John's blood.   
Dave.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the encounter with Dave at Anthony's house, the singer comes clean about his relationship with Dave.

John couldn't believe it. How could he bring Dave home when he'd invited him? Was it a fucking joke? John didn't understand it. What game was Anthony playing?  
"It's gonna be a short visit I'm afraid, I have people coming over soon" Anthony told Dave. People. Not my boyfriend, people, John thought.  
They came to the living room and were stunned when they found John.  
"Hey, what are you doing here?" Anthony asked.  
That hurt John.  
"You told me to come, remember?" John told him, clearly angry.  
"Yeah, I remember. I told you to come at 7" Anthony answered.  
"Well, it is seven o'clock" John was starting to get anxious and was practically yelling.  
"No, it's 6 o'clock" Dave intervened. John glared at him. "Tony, I think I'm gonna take off. You're... Clearly busy right now. We'll talk later"  
"Yeah, that'd be best. Thanks. I'll call you"  
"I'll show myself out. Bye"  
With that, Dave left.  
"Great, now that we're alone maybe you can tell me what the fuck is going on" Anthony said.  
"Oh, so I'm the one who owes you an explanation?" John was pissed.  
"Well, yeah. You were being rude with no reason!"   
"No reason? And why the fuck was that guy here? Was he that 'errand' you were so busy running?"   
Anthony was about to fire back, but something in John's eyes made him change his mind.  
"Are you jealous?" He asked instead.  
"I don't know, do I need to be?" John replied.  
"No, never, why would you?" Anthony said. That surprised John.  
"Not even of Dave?" John said.  
"Why would you be jealous of Dave?"  
"Is there something I need to know about him? Is there something going on?" John asked.  
"No. John, there's nothing going on with anyone. You really think I'd cheat on you?" Anthony seemed hurt.  
"Was there something going on with Dave while I was gone?" John feared the answer to that question.  
Anthony breathed heavily. "Yes" he answered.  
"Oh God" John sunk in the couch. He looked devastated.  
"But it's all over now babe. You can be sure of that. And the reason I didn't tell you was because I knew you'd be distraught" Anthony sat beside him.  
"And why was he here then?" John asked.  
"He called me. He said he wanted to sort some things out about the rights of 'One hot minute'"  
"Oh please! You can't possibly believe that" John exclaimed.  
"So what if he wanted something else? It's not like I'm gonna let him!" Anthony said.  
"I just... I can't believe you were with him" John covered his face with his hands.  
"I can tell you everything if you want. You'll see it didn't mean anything. For any of us" Anthony offered.  
"Alright" John sighed. He knew it would hurt, but he wanted the truth.  
"Okay. So after you left I was devastated. I thought it was over. And not only had I lost my band, I had also lost the love of my life. So when Dave said he'd play with us... It was almost like a dream come true. I mean, at that moment I thought of him as the saviour of the band. I was mesmerized by him, and the first rehearsals were amazing. And one night he asked me out. I said yes, we went out for drinks and then we ended up in his bed" Anthony told him.  
Ouch. It was harder to hear than John thought.  
"Anyway" Anthony continued. "After that we started hanging out more often and we were kind of a thing. Not a formal thing, of course, we kept it casual. In fact he was seeing other people. We just did it because we wanted to, no strings attached, no compromise. But then... Well, I came back to reality. I saw he wasn't the perfect being I had idealised and it pissed me off. I started comparing him to you, in the studio and in the bedroom, and that rightfully bothered him. He realised that I was just trying to get over you. And well, added to that I had started shooting up again. So I wasn't thinking clearly. And it ended up the way you know. A few days after he left the band we met to talk things through and we ended up fucking again. But that was the last time. And that's all he was for me, a stupid way of trying to forget you. And for him, well, I was just another guy, as I told you, he was seeing other people" Anthony finished.  
"Wow... That's a lot of information" John said.   
"Are you mad?" Anthony asked.  
"No, I'm not. Not now anyway. I'm relieved" the guitarist said.  
"Well, I'm glad. But you should never doubt of me. You're the only one I'm with and the only one I want to be with"  
"Yeah, I know, I should have known. I love you, you know that right? I didn't do this because I don't trust you, I did it because the idea of losing you drives me crazy. But I'm sorry, I'll never doubt of you again" John apologised.  
"It's alright love" Anthony kissed his forehead. "Now let's get something to eat, I'm starving" he walked towards the kitchen, but then stopped and turned back to his boyfriend. "And by the way, you should really fix your watch, it's 6 o'clock" he blew him a kiss.  



	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time the tables are turned and it's Anthony who has to put up with jealousy.

After making up passionately, the couple went to bed. The next morning, John woke up first, as usual.   
"Honey, let go, I gotta go to the bathroom" he told a sounded asleep Anthony. He'd fallen asleep in his arms and he'd woken up the same way.  
With a little effort, John slid under Anthony's arms and got out of bed. When he came back, the singer was still asleep. He looked at him lovingly and kissed him in the forehead. Then he went to the kitchen to make breakfast for them both.  
He prepared scrambled eggs for Anthony and cut some fruit for himself. When he had set up everything, he decided to wake his boyfriend up. He went over to him and ever so gently kissed his cheek, then going down to his neck and shoulders. The singer mumbled something in his sleep with a smile. The guitarist grinned and ran his hand through his hair.   
"Mmm..." Anthony sighed, opening his eyes a bit.  
"Good morning babe" John said to him.  
"Oh my goodness. I really thought I was dreaming. You're and angel, did you know that?" Anthony was floating in the sensation of his kisses.   
"An angel that made you breakfast. Come on" he rushed him.  
"An angel that feeds me, this has got to be heaven" Anthony laughed. He followed his boyfriend to the living room, still a little sleepy.   
"What do you want to do today?" John asked Anthony while they were eating.  
"Not much. I'm planning on staying here the whole day" Anthony answered sincerely.  
"Not a bad idea. I can think of a few things we could do" the guitarist suggested.  
"So the little angel has turned into a demon" Anthony grinned. "Well, let's see what we can do"   
After breakfast, the phone rang. Anthony answered.  
"Yes?"  
"Hi man" Dave answered. Oh fuck, Anthony thought, not now.  
"Hey Dave, what's up?" He said. John left everything he was doing and listened carefully.   
"Yesterday we were interrupted. I really think we should pickup from where we left" Dave said.  
"Yeah, yeah, sounds good" Anthony said, looking at John.  
"I hope that guy doesn't bother us this time baby" Dave's tone was annoying Anthony.  
"He's here actually, but you can come by later" Anthony said. Dave laughed.  
"So you're telling me you don't want us to have some fun?"  
"I want us to sort out the business, as we planned" Anthony answered.  
"So that little boy is enough for you?" Dave asked sarcastically.  
"Watch it" was the only answer.  
"Alright, alright, I was out of line. But seriously, I need to talk to you. When can we meet?"   
"You can come for lunch if you want" Anthony proposed.  
"Yeah sure. Sounds right. See ya" Dave hung up.  
"So he's coming for lunch?" John asked.  
"Yeah, sorry, I..."  
"Don't explain, it's alright" John threw his arms around his neck. "I'm glad you told him I'd be here. It would be really good to control my jealousy"  
"He can try anything he wants. All I want is you" Anthony assured him.  
"I know. Me too. But it's Dave, you know. It's not only that he dated you, he also replaced me in the band" John sounded insecure.  
"First of all, we weren't dating, it was a casual thing, I don't know if you can even call it a thing. And second of all, really? You're a better guitarist and the only one the band needs. Stop worrying" Anthony laughed and kissed the side of his head. John felt a lot more calmed.  
At noon, the doorbell rang and Anthony went to open.   
"Hey" Dave said, getting in. Another (handsome) man followed him. "This is my friend Kyle. I hope you don't mind I brought him"  
"Not at all. Please come on in"  
They went to the living room, where John was waiting.   
"Guys, this is John" Anthony introduced him. "John, you know Dave, and this is..."  
"Kyle!" John said, excited.  
"Johnny!" Kyle said as well.   
The two men hugged.  
"Wow, it's been awhile" John commented. "I thought you'd moved to England"  
"I have, but I come to the US frequently" Kyle explained. "And how about you? You've made it big, haven't you?"  
"Yeah, you could say that" John said humbly.  
"So" Anthony interrupted, a little annoyed.  
"Oh, yeah, sorry. We'll let you two get down to business" Kyle said. "John, you wanna grab a beer?"  
"Actually, I don't drink. But help yourself" John replied, guiding him to the kitchen.  
"What the fuck was that?" Anthony confronted Dave, once they were alone.  
"Hey, I had nothing to do with it, I didn't know they had a history" Dave said.   
"They have a history?!"  
"I meant I didn't know they knew eachother. How am I supposed to know if he fucked your boyfriend?" Dave enjoyed saying that. Anthony frowned at him.  
"Relax, it's nothing. Plus he's only here for a couple of weeks, he'll go back to London soon" Dave said, but he still had a big smile in his face.

That afternoon, after a walk in the park John suggested, the couple was resting in the couch. John had his eyes closed and was resting in Anthony's shoulder, who was petting his head every so often. He looked peaceful.  
"So, about that Kyle" Anthony started.  
"Yeah... What about him?" John mumbled, his eyes still closed.   
"Just... You know... What the fuck?" Anthony couldn't help himself. John opened one eye.  
"Don't tell me you're jealous" he said, not believing it.  
"It's not that... Well maybe... Kind of? Alright yeah, I'm jealous" Anthony admitted. "But you're no one to judge!"   
"I'm not judging" John said, sitting up. "But I thought you already knew you have nothing to worry about. I mean, only because you talked to Dave I almost lost my mind. I'm kind of a sure thing" John laughed.  
"You're still drawing everyone's eyes. You can't blame me" Anthony said, pushing John close to him again.  
"Please" John shook his head.  
"Yeah, I know, it's silly. We love eachother, we have no reason to be jealous" Anthony reflected. He felt John's breath in his neck and held him tight. Yeah, he had nothing to worry about. Right? Yeah, right. But he still worried.


	12. Chapter 12

"Hey John" Kyle said through the phone.  
"Hey, how're you?" John answer.  
"I'm fine, listen, what're you doing tomorrow night?"   
"Nothing, I think"  
"Great, then you're coming with me to a concert. What do you say?"  
"Cool, I'll bring Anthony with me" John said. He wanted to avoid trouble. He'd been hanging out with Kyle a lot lately and although Anthony never said anything, he noticed he wasn't happy about it.  
"Okay, the more the merrier" Kyle said.  
"So who's playing?"  
"My friend's band, they're really good. Besides, having you and Anthony in the audience will be good publicity"  
"So you're using me" John pretended to scandalise.  
"Kind of, yeah" Kyle laughed. "But mostly I wanted to hang out with you. I'm going back to London in a week"  
"Oh" John didn't like that. "Bummer. Well, I guess I will see you in the Chili Peppers' tour"   
"That'd be awesome. Anyway, I'll give you the address for tomorrow. Write it down" Kyle told him. John did so.  
"Cool, see you then. Bye"   
After lunch, the band had practice and John showed up late.  
"Well freaking finally!" Anthony said.  
"Sorry guys, I lost track of time" John apologised.   
"Don't worry. I'll go talk to Rick and we can star" Flea said. He went to the control room and Chad said he wanted to smoke, so he left the room.  
"Hey, you wanna go to a concert tomorrow night?" John asked Anthony.  
"John Frusciante is asking me on a date? My God!" Anthony teased him. "Of course, where is it?"  
"The Black Cat" John answered, blushed by Anthony's comment.  
"Yeah, I know that pub. Who's playing?" Anthony asked.  
"Some friends of Kyle's. I don't know the band"  
"Oh" Anthony seemed disappointed. "And I'm invited?"  
"It's a pub Anthony. Plus I told him I'd go with you" John said. Anthony smiled involuntarily.  
"Oh, great. I guess I'll have to go then. You'll pick me up?" The singer said. "You asked me out after all"  
"Sure, I'll be there at 7" John playfully slapped his ass, making the singer blush.  
"Okay, all set" Flea came in. "Shall we start?"

As soon as the rehearsal started, so did the problems. Flea and Chad were frustrated by the couple's constant confrontation.  
"All I'm saying is that you missed a note, is not big deal!" Anthony yelled at John.  
"It is a big deal because I didn't miss a note, I that way on purpose" John replied angrily.   
"Oh come on! Where in hell does that sound good? Accept your mistakes"  
"I do, when I make mistakes! And since we're talking about that, you were totally out of tune in the last stanza" John fired back.  
"Because you confused me with your little experiment! Flea, back me up here" Anthony searched for support.  
"Um... I'm actually with John in this one. It's true, it didn't sound great, but I understand where he's going. If we work through it, it would sound really good"  
Seeing he was outnumbered, Anthony decided the best thing to do would be let it go.  
"Alright, talk me through it. How would that be?" He asked unenthusiastically.  
The rehearsal was tense, but not a complete waste of time. Afterwards, Flea went to talk to Anthony.  
"Hey, you okay?" He asked.  
Anthony shrugged. "I'm still a bit mad, but I'll get over it"   
"Good. Is something else bothering you or is it just the creative disagreement?"  
Anthony sighed. "I understood what John tried to do. But it wasn't his idea, it was this guy's"  
"Who?" Flea inquired. Anthony was jealous? That's new.  
"Kyle, I heard him when he taught him that technique"  
"Kyle? The guy from England?" The bassist asked.  
"Yeah, do you know him?" What the hell? How come that guy knew everyone?  
"John mentioned him a couple of times. I understand why that bothers you, it must be hard" Flea put a hand on his shoulder.  
"Wh-what? What do you mean?" Anthony said confused.  
"You know, because they used to date and stuff. It must be tough. But don't worry, it was a long time ago" Flea patted his shoulder. "Anyway, I gotta take off, Clara's coming home tonight" he said, excited. "If you need to talk, you know where to find me"  
"Yeah, sure. Thanks" Anthony said, still in shock.   
Chad took off as well, leaving only John and himself in the room.  
"Hey, about before..." The guitarist started, walk-in towards him.  
"Leave it alone" Anthony cut him out.   
"I was going to apologise" John explained, confused by his reaction.  
"Well, apologie accepted"   
Anthony turned his back to him.  
"What's going on?" The guitarist asked, preoccupied.  
"Is there anything you want tell me? You know, something you might have been hiding from me?"  
'Fuck' John thought. 'He knows'  
"I didn't hide it from you, it just never came up" John excused himself.  
"I asked you many times if there was something going on with him!" Anthony sat down and punched the table. "Fuck, I knew it! I had a feeling"  
"Anthony, there's nothing going on" John assured him. "It was a long time ago, we were practically kids. And it didn't last long!"  
"Well, it seems like the two of you are pretty close still" Anthony laughed embittered.  
"Yeah, 'cause we are! Just because we're not dating doesn't mean we don't get along. What, so now I can only be friends with the people you approve?" John sounded offended, but Anthony didn't mind.  
"It's not like that and you know it. How would you have felt if I'd been hanging out with Dave and being as close to him as you are with Kyle without telling you that I dated him? I met with him once and it drove you mad!" Anthony sounded hurt and John noticed.  
"Love, I assure you I have no feelings for Kyle. He's a friend, and he's only here for a few weeks, that's why I've been hanging out with him so much. But that's all. Nothing else happened I swear"  
"I know. You'd never cheat on me, I know you. But it's just... I don't know"  
They fell quiet for some time.   
"I'm gonna take a walk" Anthony said finally.  
"No, wait, don't go. Let's talk" John begged.  
"I need to clear my head" Anthony replied. John's eyes were sad, so he kept talking. "I'm not mad babe. I understand. I just need to think"  
"About what?" John asked in fear. Was he going to leave him?  
"About everything. Don't worry. I'll call you tonight" he kissed John's cheek. It was a quick, impersonal kiss.  
When the singer left, John bursted into tears.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A limiting situation makes them see what's really important.

"So you're not coming?" John said sadly.   
Since the argument, the only contact he'd had with Anthony was when he called him to see if had arrived home safely. That almost made him cry. As angry as he was, Anthony was still looking after him. He was hoping they could work things out at the concert, but now Anthony was saying he wouldn't go.  
"I'm sorry honey, I have to take care of some bureaucratic stuff of the record and I can't postpone it"  
"Then I'll go with you" John offered.  
"No, you go have fun, really. I'll see you tomorrow"  
"Are you still mad?"   
"Babe, I'm not. I wasn't mad yesterday when I left and I'm not mad now. Honestly, just enjoy the show tonight"  
Anthony sounded sad.  
  
That night, Anthony received a visit from Flea.  
"Hey, come in" Anthony opened the door kindly, only to get a slap in the face from his friend.  
"This is an intervention!" Flea said loudly.  
"Ouch! Flea what the fuck?"  
"Anthony, are you stupid? Answer honestly. How come you let John all by himself tonight?"  
"Oh, is that what the intervention is about? Boring" Anthony complained.  
"Very funny. Anyway, why?"  
"Why what?"  
"Why did you tell John you had to take care of band stuff? Are you still mad at him?" Flea asked.  
"Flea, you know I love you, and I'm very grateful that you always have my back. But that's really none of your business"  
"It is my duty when I see you're acting like an idiot to tell you to stop doing so. And you're acting like a total moron right now"  
"That's my problem" Anthony said.  
"Give me one good reason why you're doing this. Just one and I'll leave you alone"  
"Alright. I'm doing this because I don't want to hold John down" Anthony answered.  
"What do you mean?" Flea asked.  
"I mean that he clearly still has feelings for Kyle. And I want him to feel free to explore that. Then, if he comes back, I'll know it's because he really wants to be here. And if he doesn't... Well, I guess I'll have my answer".  
"Oh God... You're even more stupid than I thought" Flea said.  
"Yeah, I didn't expect you to understand"  
"No, you are the one who's not getting it. John called me today, anguished, asking me if I knew what was going on with you. He said he wouldn't go to the concert and he would wait for you to finish taking care of the 'record stuff' so the two of you could work things out. I convinced him to go to the show and told him I would talk to you. I thought you'd be just playing hard to get, but you are doing something much more dumber than that. You are actively pushing him away!"  
"You think I'm throwing him into Kyle's arms?" Anthony asked.  
"Jesus fucking Christ, wake up Kiedis! He doesn't want anything with Kyle, he just wants you! He told me so himself. Plus, you can see it from a mile away!"  
"So what should I do?" Anthony asked, suddenly realising how stupid he'd been. He thought he was doing what was best for John, but he was just hurting him and hurting himself. They didn't want to be apart, they wanted to be together. They needed to be together. They'd been apart for so long...  
"Well, I'm just guessing, but I would say you go find him. But who knows"  
"You know, as much as I hate you when you get all sarcastic, I couldn't be more grateful to have a friend like you. Thanks Flea"  
"Yeah yeah, I love you. Now get your ass moving and go get your boyfriend for fuck's sake"  
Anthony quickly grabbed his coat and ran out of the house.   
  
*In the meantime*  
  
John sat at the bar with Kyle. The pub was crowded and the band was playing great. However, John couldn't enjoy it.   
"What's the matter?" Kyle asked him.  
"Nothing, it's fine" John tried to lie unsuccessfully.  
"Troubles with Anthony?"  
"Why would you say that?"  
"First of all, he's not here with you. Second of all, I had a guess"   
John chuckled "Yeah, we're not in our best moment. He found out..." John started, then regretted immediately.  
"Found out what?" Kyle inquired.  
"That we used to date" he looked down.  
"Oh" Kyle said. They fell silent.  
"Sorry for killing the mood. Let's just enjoy the music" John finally suggested. Kyle agreed.  
When the show ended, Mark, the singer and guitarist of the band went over to the bar to greet Kyle.  
"John, this is Mark. Mark, John" Kyle introduced them.  
"Nice to meet you" John said.  
"I can't believe you're here. I'm a great fan of yours" Mark said enthusiastically.  
"Thanks. Yeah, the Chili Peppers are great" John said apathetic.  
"Yeah, they are. But I didn't mean them. I meant I'm a big fan of your music. I love 'Niandra Lades' and 'Smile from the Streets'" Mark told him.  
"Oh" that surprised John. "Well, thank you very much"  
Once they started talking, they wouldn't stop. They talked about music, about life, about death. John felt really comfortable with him. He seemed to really get him.  
"Guys, I gotta get going" Kyle said at some point. They said goodbye to him and kept talking.   
"So when did you meet Kyle?" John asked him.   
"I travelled to London with the band five years ago and we met. We played together and really hit it off. I travel to England very often because my sister lives there and we get together every time. I was really excited to know he was coming. What about you?"  
"I meet him in high school. We took some classes together. Then when he moved abroad we lost contact. We reconnected just a few weeks ago, when he came back"   
"Can I get you something gentlemen?" The bartender asked.  
"Yeah, I'd like a beer" Mark answered.   
"Nothing for me, thank you" John said.  
"Oh, come on John. You know what they say, friends don't let friends drink alone"  
"Sorry, but I don't drink anymore and..."  
"One beer won't hurt you, come on! Please?" Mark pleaded.  
"Well... Yeah, what the hell?"  
John ordered a beer and minutes later they were drinking together.  
"Hey, do you mind if I ask you a favor?" Mark told John.  
"Not at all, tell me?"  
"Would you play with me? Just a little bit. Our instruments are backstage. It would mean the world to me"  
"Sure, let's go" John said.  
They went backstage and, when John went to pick up a guitar, he started to feel dizzy.  
"Mark... I don't feel well... I can't stand up" he said, falling backwards on the couch of the dressing room. Mark sat beside him and gently caressed his arm.   
"Shhh... Relax, you're fine. Everything's fine" he said. He started kissing his neck.  
"What are you doing?" John asked, scared. "Stop it, please".  
He tried to push him away only to find out he had lost the strength in his arms. Meanwhile, Mark had slid his hands under his trousers and was stroking his crotch while he kissed him.   
"No. Please don't" John whimpered.  
"Relax, I'll be gentle. Just do as I say and everything will be alright. You'll like it, I promise"  
"Wait, please Mark. Just wait, I don't feel well, I really don't" he tried desperately to convince him.  
"Don't worry, we'll go nice and easy then" Mark turned him over as he said that.  
Tears started to fall from John's eyes as he begged Mark to stop, but he was not planning on doing so.  
"Hey!" A shout came from the door. Anthony came in and furiously started punching Mark. Then threw him against the wall and picked John up to take him home. The guitarist passed out in his arms.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anthony hadn't moved from John's side since they'd arrived home. He didn't want to leave his side, not even for a second. He didn't want him to be alone when he woke up.

Anthony's POV  
  
I arrived to the pub when the show had already ended. I hoped John was still there. I had called to his house but he hadn't answered so I assumed he hadn't gone home yet. But deep inside I feared that he had left with Kyle.  
I went over to the bar and asked the bartender.  
"Excuse me, do you know a guy named Kyle by any chance?"  
"Kyle? Yeah, it rings a bell. He's friends with the band, right? Yeah, he left awhile ago" the boy answered. My stomach tightened.  
"Was he alone?" I asked.  
"He was with two friends, but he left by himself"  
Phew.  
"Sorry to bother you, but did you happen to see where his friends went?"  
"Yeah, they went backstage. Your bandmate made friends with the singer. By the way, would you sign something for me?" The bartender handed me a napkin. Sure, the boy had earned it. I scribbled my signature in the napkin, thanked the bartender and ran backstage.  
While I was walking down the hallway I heard a crying. John's crying. It was soft, but I could sense he was in danger. My heartbeat increased in a way I'd never experienced before. I found the door to the dressing room and kicked it open. My heart sunk. It was like someone had written my worst nightmare and then forced me to read it. Nothing could have prepared me to see what I saw. That monster was on top of John while he was crying and asking him to stop. I lost control. I went over and punched him in the face to separate him from John. When he was laying on the floor, I hit him several times. I couldn't stop. But then I came back to my senses. That little shit was unimportant. I threw him hard against the wall and went over to John. He was still crying, I don't think he was aware of the situation. That bastard had drugged him. I wrapped him in my arms and held him tight. I realised I was crying too. I picked him up and ran the hell out of that place.  
  
_________________________  
  
Anthony hadn't moved from John's side since they'd arrived home. He was still unconscious because of the drug Mark had given him, and Anthony didn't want to leave his side, not even for a second. He didn't want him to be alone when he woke up. Every so often, the singer would soak a towel in cold water and wipe John's face with it. Around an hour later, which seemed like a century to Anthony, John started waking up. The guitarist took several shuddering breaths, he looked agitated.  
"Shh, it's okay" Anthony whispered, but John didn't calm down.  
"Please stop..." He mumbled, his voice cracking.  
"John, honey, it's me..." Anthony touched his arm and John flinched.  
"No, please leave me alone" he pleaded. He was clearly disorientated and thought he was Mark. Anthony didn't know how to calm him down. Tears started to fall from his eyes, he felt helpless.  
"John, please, it's me. I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm never gonna hurt you" he pleaded to a confused John. He grabbed his shoulders tightly and forced him to stare at him.  
"Anthony?" John's tired voice said. He was starting to understand where he was.  
"Yes. Yes, it's me" Anthony felt a huge wave of relief. "You're safe, I promise. I stopped him. He'll never hurt you, okay? No one will, I'm right here and I'm never gonna leave"  
John stared closely at his eyes, like wanting to make sure it was actually him. A few seconds later, his whole body relaxed and he tucked himself against Anthony's body. Anthony held him tight, and for a moment he thought he never wanted to let go of him. Fuck, he'd been so scared.  
"I love you" he said to John, holding him even closer. "I love you, I love you, I love you. I'm sorry. I should have gone there with you like I said I would. You're the most important person in my life and I'd be lost without you"  
He spilled those words right from his heart. He drawled because of the tears, but John understood perfectly and it gave him an immense sensation of relief and comfort. He was safe, he really was. That broke down the walls. John started crying against Anthony's chest, soaking his shirt, and threw his arms around him to be as close to him as possible. But even that wasn't enough.  
"Kiss me please" he softly asked the singer, who immediately complied. Anthony kissed John's lips long and deep, then kissed his cheek and then his neck. John felt as if Anthony was cleansing his skin from Mark's touch, and with that, washing away that horrible sensation. The singer went back to John's lips and then pressed their foreheads together.  
"Thank you" the guitarist said. It had meant a lot for him.  
"I love you" was the answer. John smiled slightly.  
"How did you find me?" He asked.  
"I went to the pub you said and then asked the bartender. He'd recognised you so he remembered you'd gone backstage" Anthony said. John looked away.  
"I only did that because he said wanted to jam, I swear" John explained. "I didn't mean for it to happen, I..."  
"I know" Anthony interrupted him. "I'd never blame you for this. You did nothing wrong"  
John felt a weight lifting from his shoulders.  
"And how did you get in?" He asked. "I saw him lock the door"  
Anthony opened his eyes wide. He hadn't noticed. "It was locked? Well, I kicked it open, so maybe it wasn't too strong. I don't know. To tell you the truth I hardly remember anything. I just know I heard you crying and next thing I know I'm beating the shit out of that son of a gun"  
"You heard me?" John asked.  
"Yeah"  
"And you knew it was me, and that I was in danger?"  
"Yeah. Why?"  
"Nothing, I just... You're wonderful. Thank you. For everything. If you hadn't arrived there when you did..." John started to get emotional.  
"I was saving myself too" Anthony said, very seriously. "You can't imagine how I felt when I saw what he was doing to you. I would have killed him, I really would"  
"No, you wouldn't" John said, laughing a bit.  
"Okay, I wouldn't" Anthony admitted. "But fuck, I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you"  
"Thanks. Thank you for looking after me. Thank you for loving me the way you do. I love you. I know I say it all the time but it's true. And there are not better words to describe how I feel. I love you, and you're the most wonderful person in the world. I don't know what I did to deserve you, but I'm just so grateful. You're the reason I'm here, resting in a bed, safe and protected, and not there being... I don't even want to say it. My life could have been ruined tonight. But it wasn't because you love me enough to come and find me even when you're hurt or mad. And you love me enough to recognise my crying in a loud club. And to understand from that that I need your help. You love me so much is almost overwhelming because I always feel like you're too good for me. So thank you. I never want to be apart from you. I never want us to argue again. And if we do, because we're humans, of course we'll disagree sometimes, please always give me another chance. I need you. You have no idea how much" John was surprisingly calmed, as Anthony had been the first time he opened his heart. He realised how easy was being in love. He realised they had made it unnecessarily complicated. Maybe something good had come out of that horrible situation. Maybe from now on they would realise what was really important. Anthony felt happy in the middle of all that. John's words had warmed up his heart.  
"One day you'll see you make me feel the same way you're telling I make you feel" Anthony told him. "And that day you'll see you feel that way not because I'm too good for you, but because we're perfect for eachother"  
John smiled. That was a beautiful way of seeing it. He liked it. He felt light now he'd let it all out. He yawned. Anthony gently put his hair behind his ear.  
"Let's go to bed" Anthony said. John agreed. But it wasn't an easy night. He had nightmares all night long and none of them had slept well.  
"Sorry about last night" he told Anthony, who hadn't slept at all because he'd been taking care of him.  
"It's only natural that you have nightmares after something like that, don't worry. It'll be fine. We're gonna be fine" Anthony assured him.  
John smiled. "Thanks. I know that now"  



	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The foreplay was really special this time. It was delicate and kind. But then again, it was an extraordinary occasion. They just wanted to feel eachother, be with eachother in the most intimate way they could.

A few days passed and everything seemed to be going back to normal. John was sleeping good at night and the troubles the couple had were behind them. Only one thing was worrying John: he hadn't talked to Anthony about that dreadful night yet. He wanted to, he needed to talk about that with him to get it out of his chest, but he was scared of the reaction Anthony would have. It was an unfounded fear, because nothing Anthony had done or said hinted that he would react badly. He had been nothing but attentive and understanding. However, John still didn't know how to start the conversation. He feared that he might think he'd felt attracted to Mark. One morning, he finally decided to do it. He went to the kitchen, where Anthony was making breakfast, and put a hand in his shoulder to catch his attention.  
"Hey babe. Breakfast will be ready in a minute" Anthony said, leaning to kiss him. He accepted the kiss, but he was tense and Anthony noticed. They ate breakfast in silence, until John couldn't take it anymore.  
"I need to talk to you" he said.  
Anthony swallowed thickly. What was going on? Everything seemed to be fine.  
"Sure, what's up?" Anthony tried to sound breezy.  
"Can we go to the bedroom? I feel more comfortable there" John said. Actually, he just wanted to buy some time.  
"Sure, whatever"  
They went to the bedroom and John sat heavily on the bed. The cat was out of the bag. No turning back, he had to say it. Anthony started to really worry. He sat beside him.  
"Before I say anything I just want you to know that I love you very much. Nothing could change how I feel about you, and I really hope it's the same for you" John started, nervously.  
"Oh no" Anthony let out a sigh. "You're leaving me, aren't you?" He felt a lump forming in his throat.  
"No! No, it's not that. Not at all" John assured him. Anthony relaxed a bit.  
"So what is it? Please tell me" Anthony pleaded.  
John took a deep breath.  
"I need to tell you about that night" John finally said. The singer tensed immediately.  
"Did something happen that I don't know about? Did he hurt you before I arrived?" Anthony sounded alarmed and he started checking on John, looking for bruises and scars.  
"No, no, nothing like that. I just... I need to talk to you about what happened. I think you deserve to know. You can decide what you do once you know everything, and I will understand"  
"What the fuck are you talking about? I have nothing to decide" Anthony stated.  
"Just let me tell you the whole story" John asked.  
"You can tell me anything you want and I'll listen, but I assure you it will change nothing. But if you need to get it out then please go on"  
"Okay" John took a deep breath. "That night I was very sad and angry, because of our argument. I had a really shitty attitude about everything and I wasn't enjoying being there. But when the show was over, Kyle introduced me to this guy, the singer of the band. He said he was excited to meet me because he loved my solo records. We started talking and we really got along. He was charming and interesting, we had great talks about everything, with Kyle and also after Kyle left. Then he ordered me a beer and I accepted it. I really don't know why I did that, I shouldn't have..."  
"John" Anthony interrupted. "It's okay if you want to talk about it but please don't blame yourself, I can't stand it"  
"Okay, okay, you're right. Thanks. Anyway, after having a beer he asked me if I would jam with him for a bit. I said yes and... And we went backstage"  
John started trembling and Anthony threw his arm around him.  
"Take your time" the singer said. After a moment, John continued his story.  
"We went to the dressing room, where the band had the instruments. Once we got there I started to feel dizzy. I felt so bad I couldn't stand up and I had to sit on the couch..."  
Another pause. It was clearly hard for John.  
"It's okay honey, you don't have to continue" Anthony said softly.  
"Just let me finish please, I need to get it out" there was urgency in John's voice. "Once I couldn't move, he started kissing me and touching me and..." John breathed heavily at this point. "I asked him to stop, I tried to push him away... But I couldn't move... I was numb... I thought it was over... So I just let him... You know the rest. That's when you came in" John finished.  
They fell silent for a bit.  
"Say something please" the guitarist asked.  
"What do you want me to say?" Anthony replied. He was disturbed by the story, the idea of John going through all that broke his heart.  
"Anything. If you're mad, if you're hurt..."  
"Why would I be? John, all I care about is that you're safe. Honestly. I don't know how to get you to understand that. You didn't do anything wrong. Even if you'd liked the singer, it doesn't matter. I know you love me. I know you weren't going to cheat on me. I know, and you should to, that you're the victim here. You don't owe anyone any explanation"  
John exhaled in relief. He hadn't realised how much he had feared this moment. But it was over.  
John rested his head in Anthony's shoulder, who kissed his forehead and wrapped him in his arms. It wasn't long until they were in a passionate make out session. John shifted, so he was under Anthony, and kept kissing him.  
Anthony touched his face gently. "Are you sure you're in the mood for this?"  
"Yeah, I'm sure. I need to feel you. Now more than ever"  
That was everything Anthony needed to hear. He slowly undressed John and then he undressed himself, staring in his eyes the whole time. The foreplay was really special this time. It was delicate and kind. But then again, it was an extraordinary occasion. They weren't doing this just out of arousal, not even to get pleasure. They just wanted to feel eachother, be with eachother in the most intimate way they could.  
Anthony went down John's chest, kissing slowly and carefully every inch of it. John returned the favor caressing the singer's back and playing with his hair, which made him purr like a kitty. They held eachother close and stayed like that for several minutes. Then, Anthony lifted slightly. John tried to turn over, only for the singer to stop him.  
"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you wanted to" the guitarist apologised.  
"I do" Anthony answered. "But not like that. I want to look at you, stay like this, please?" He asked him.  
John smiled. "Sure"  
The guitarist spread his legs open and Anthony positioned himself in John's entrance. He started pushing in slowly, making him moan. When he was completely inside him, he started thrusting, slowly at first, but increasing the rhythm until John was panting and gasping of pleasure. He started thrusting harder and John wrapped his arms around him to get closer and moan in his ear. That drove the singer crazy. He pushed harder and deeper, eager to get those moans that John gladly gave him. The pleasure was indescribable. John kept moaning and moaning in Anthony's ear, who was making love to him in such a gentle way it was almost too much. John got as close to Anthony as he could.  
"You're the best thing that ever happened to me" he told the singer, between gasps. Anthony kissed his shoulder in return. They never wanted that moment to end, they wanted the world to stop and stay like that forever. As they were getting close to the orgasm, they held eachother tight.  
"Look at me" Anthony asked John, who opened his eyes and stared at him lovingly. They brushed their lips together as John came, followed almost immediately by Anthony, who rested on his chest. John hugged the singer and ran his hand through his hair. They were breathing hard, with big smiles on his faces. Anthony looked up at John and kissed his jaw.  
"I'll be right back" he said. Ten minutes later, he came back and asked John to follow him. He led him to the bathroom, that was steaming. The water was running.  
"Get in" he gently indicated the guitarist, who did as he was asked. Anthony did the same and once they were under water he started washing John gently. He wiped his face and his chest, making him sigh. It was a different kind, but they were feeling as much pleasure as they had moments ago.  
When they were both clean, they got dressed and went to rest in the living room.  
"Oh shit!" Anthony said suddenly.  
"What happened?" John asked.  
"It's 1 am. Band practice started 12:30!"  
They looked at eachother and laughed.  
"Yeah, sorry Rick, we'll be right there" John called the studio.  
"You know, it was totally worth it" Anthony said to John.  
"We gotta come up with a good excuse though" John commented.  
"Or we could just tell them we were fucking. That would certainly shut their mouths" the singer proposed.  
"You're so full of shit! Let's totally do that"  
They held eachother hands and went to the studio.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trying to help Chad figure out some troubles in his love life, the couple finds a shocking secret.

"That was way too much information" Flea said, when the couple told them why they had arrived late.  
"Well, you asked, we're just being honest" Anthony replied with a cocky smile.  
"Johnny this guy is a negative influence. I want you to stay away from him" Flea teased John, who laughed.  
"Guys is it possible for you to have a serious conversation by any chance?" Chad asked.  
"Seriously, you should catch up. It's like you just met us" Anthony told him.  
"Whatever, can we start please?" Chad looked angry. It was strange for the boys, but they decided to let it go. They started playing, but it did not get better. Chad was complaining about everything and lashing out at his band mates. At the end of an unproductive day, Anthony confronted him.  
"Hey, what's going on?"  
"Nothing, what are you talking about?" Chad innocently asked.  
"You've been acting weird all day. Is this because of what we said when we got here? I'm sorry if it bothered you"  
"What do you mean?" Chad said.  
"You know, about me and John. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable" Anthony apologised.  
"Oh come on!" Chad sounded offended. He started talking exaggeratedly loud. "So you were fucking, big deal! I'm not a kid, that's not gonna make me uncomfortable!"  
"I'm not saying that, and please stop yelling! Look, I don't know what's bothering you but if you need to talk, you know where to find me" Anthony said.  
Chad took a deep breath and calmed down.  
"Okay, okay, you're right. Thanks, and I'm sorry"  
"Don't worry. John and I will be at my place, feel free to stop by"  
That seemed to annoy Chad again.  
"Hard pass. I wouldn't want to step into one of your porn scenes. See ya"  
And with that, Chad took off, leaving Anthony speechless.  
  
"Do you know if something happened to Chad recently?" The singer asked John later. They were resting on the couch.  
"No idea. But he was definitely acting weird today" John pointed.  
"Yeah, and he seemed angry at me. I went to talk to him after practice and he was really aggressive. I offered him to stop by if he needed to talk and he totally dismissed me" Anthony sounded hurt. John held his hand.  
"Don't take it personal love. He's just probably lashing out at you, but he must be mad because of something completely different"  
"He was really offensive when I told him we'd be here tonight. He said he wouldn't come because he didn't want to interrupt one of our 'porn scenes'"  
Involuntary, John laughed.  
"Maybe we're just being too demonstrative with eachother in public. Think about it, Flea has his daughter, we have each other. But Chad? He's alone Anthony. That must be tough"  
Anthony reflected for a moment. The boy had a point.  
"I think we should cut him some slack. I'll talk to him tomorrow" the guitarist said. He kissed Anthony's hand. "Don't worry babe, it's probably nothing"  
The doorbell rang. They had ordered take out. Anthony went to answer.  
"You better have ordered vegetarian!" John shouted. Anthony gulped. He had not.  
  
The next day, John called Chad and asked him to meet. They went for a coffee at a nice coffee house downtown.  
"So how are things going? It's been awhile since we hung out" John said.  
"What are you talking about?" Chad laughed. "I see you every week at practice"  
"Yeah, but I meant the two of us. We hadn't really had a chance to chat"  
"Yeah, I guess that's true..."  
"So how's life?" John asked again. "Anything new?"  
"Not much. How are things going with Anthony?"  
"Pretty great actually" John said.  
"Wonderful" Chad replied, but John could see the smile was fake.  
"And how about you? Anybody caught you eye yet?" John tried.  
"Maybe... But it's impossible. She's not gonna like me" he said, shaking his head.  
"Why not? You should try" John encouraged him.  
"I really think she's interested in someone else"  
"So change her mind!"  
Chad looked at him cautiously. "You really think I could do that?"  
"Definitely! You are a great person, and a very lovely, kind, handsome man. Give it a try!"  
"But what if she is in love?"  
"She can fall for you. I mean, why wouldn't she? Come on, if you really like her don't give up without a fight!"  
"Okay..." Chad said. "Yeah, you're right. If she fell for him she can fall for me. He's not better than me, is he?"  
"Of course not! You can do it man, I know you can"  
Some time later, Chad left the place feeling a lot more confident. John looked at his watch and his eyes opened wide. He was running late! Anthony would be home in an hour. John quickly picked up some things (a bunch of roses, a bottle of champagne and a bag from a clothing store) and went home. Phew, Anthony wasn't there yet. He quickly set up everything. Champagne in the cooler, rose petals all over the house, and clothing bag... He'd take care of that. He went to the bathroom to get ready, he was so nervous. He opened the bag where there was men lingerie. He put it on shaking and then put on a robe to cover it. He turned down the lights till it was just a soft, dim glow. Just when he finished putting on some music, he heard the sound of the keys in the lock. He shivered. He'd never done that before. Anthony got in. He looked surprised. Good sign.  
"Fuck, what's this!?" He said.  
"Surprise..." John said, in the most seductive way he could, bending over the couch. Anthony couldn't believe his eyes.  
"Holy shit... I am the luckiest man in the whole fucking world"  
He went over to the guitarist, taking off his clothes quickly in the way, and impatient grabbed him from behind. He started kissing the back of his neck. Although the feeling was irresistible for John, he forced himself to separate from Anthony.  
"Patience my dear" he said teasingly. He led him to the bedroom, where he took off the robe. Anthony's eyes opened wider as John blushed.  
"Oh God you're so hot" Anthony said, grabbing him by the waist.  
"You like it Sir?" John asked.  
"I LOVE IT"  
"Good, 'cause it's yours"  
John led Anthony to the bed and kneeled before him. He exposed the singer's cock and started licking it, caressing his chest as he did that.  
"Oh holy fuck... You're amazing" Anthony moaned.  
"Thanks Sir" John said, putting emphasis in the word 'sir' 'cause he knew it drove Anthony crazy.  
Anthony lifted his hips a little, making John take more of his cock in his mouth.  
"Oh yeah, good boy" Anthony moaned. John smiled at the compliment.  
"Oh yeah, suck it, come on... Oh, fuck, it's so good. You're such a good boy... Wait, stop. I want to come inside you"  
Anthony lifted John's head and gently kissed him. "Would you like that?"  
"I would love that Sir" John said, and then kissed him again. Anthony smiled pleased and gently bent John over the bed. His cock was pretty lubricated already because of the blowjob.  
"Alright baby, I'm gonna make you feel real good" Anthony said.  
"I know that" John answered instinctively, momentarily forgetting his part. Anthony's heart melted with that.  
"I love you" he said, quickly kissing John's lower back. The guitarist purred in appreciation.  
"Well, where were we?" Anthony resumed.  
He positioned himself in John's entrance and pushed in.  
"Ahh..." John moaned. Anthony pushed further and further till he was completely inside him. He started moving, each thrust harder and deeper than the last one. John was howling. Anthony couldn't resist the temptation and softly spanked John's ass. Surprisingly for both, he liked that a lot.  
"Want more?" Anthony asked playfully.  
"Yes Sir" John smiled.  
Anthony spanked John sparely, being careful not to cause him any discomfort. However, that slight pain was what was making the experience even more pleasant for John. He moaned as his ass was slapped again. God, he was enjoying it. Suddenly, Anthony stopped.  
"Be a good boy and ride me" he told John, who willingly obeyed. Anthony lied down down on the bed and John sat in his lap, guiding the singer's cock inside him.  
"Move" Anthony ordered him when he was completely sat.  
John did as he was told.  
"Oh fuck you're incredible. This is so good. Keep moving baby, come on... Take it all... Oh yeah"  
John obediently moved as Anthony told him. It made him feel so good to be responsible for Anthony's pleasure.  
Anthony grabbed his cock and started stroking it.  
"I want us to cum at the same time" Anthony sighed. John nodded. The guitarist kept moving, Anthony sighing beneath him, while he was being pleased by the singer's hands. It took them just a few minutes and, as Anthony had said, they came at the same time.  
John lied next to Anthony, breathing heavily.  
"Did you like that Sir?" He asked smiling.  
"You bet" the singer kissed him deeply. "You're amazing did you know that? And you should wear lingerie more often"  
John blushed.  
"Well, we can do it again whenever you want"  
"I'll have that in mind. But like it even more when you call me 'love'" Anthony threw his arms around him.  
They stayed like that for awhile until they heard the doorbell. They looked at each other.  
"Are you expecting someone?" John asked.  
"Not really, though it could be Flea. He did say he'd come by to get this book he forgot here. But he didn't said when"  
Anthony put on a robe and went to open the door. Effectively, it was Flea. But not for the reasons he had thought of.  
"Hey man, come in, I got your book" the singer said.  
"Hey, did I get you in a bad time?" Flea chuckled, observing the situation. The singer's hair was messy, and you could see Anthony's clothes all over the floor.   
"Not exactly, although if you had come twenty minutes earlier I wouldn't have opened the door" Anthony laughed, letting him in.  
"Hi John!" The bassist shouted, in direction to the bedroom.  
"Hi Flea!" An answer was heard.  
"You two really don't waste time, do you?" Flea commented amused.  
"Make yourself comfortable, I'll go get your stuff" Anthony turned to the bedroom to get Flea's book.  
"Wait, don't bother, that's not why I'm here. Plus if you go there you'll be tempted to do stuff and I don't want to be here when that happens"  
Anthony laughed out loud and sat on the couch.  
"Okay, so you tell me" Anthony said.  
"I was gonna ask you how are things going with John but I think the answer is clear" Flea started.  
"Yeah, it's going amazing. In every aspect of it if you know what I mean" Anthony winked.  
"I really wish I didn't" Flea replied. "Anyway, this is not easy to say but I have to tell you" the bassist sounded sad all of a sudden.  
"Why, what happened? Are you okay?" Anthony started to worry. He couldn't bear it if something happened to Flea.  
"Yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry. But you're not gonna like it" he lowered his voice, staring at the bedroom. Anthony got the hint. John didn't have to hear.  
"So what's going on?" Anthony whispered.  
"It's Chad"  
"Oh, yeah. He's acting weird, isn't he?" Anthony said. "John talked with him today apparently. I haven't had time to ask him yet. You know, with all the sex and stuff"  
"You are such a show off. I'm serious" Flea reprehended him.  
"I'm serious too" Anthony laughed. "But you're right, I'm sorry. Tell me"  
"Chad came to see me right after he talked to John. And apparently they'd been talking about relationships"  
"Oh yeah. John told me yesterday that maybe he was being aggressive because he felt lonely"  
"Yeah, well he made a mistake. Chad's acting that way because he's in love and that person doesn't love him back" Flea said.  
"Oh, poor guy. He told you that himself?" Anthony asked.  
"Yeah. And that's why I needed to talk to you. I think you deserve to know, but you mustn't tell anyone you know this. Under no circumstances. You understand?"  
"Yeah, of course. But what is it?" Anthony was getting impatient.  
"The person Chad's in love with is John" Flea finally told him. Anthony laughed out loud.  
"Yeah, right. Good one. Now, what did you want to tell me?" Anthony refused to believe it.  
"I couldn't believe it at first either. But it's true" Flea sadly said. "And apparently he felt encouraged by the fact that John said that if that 'girl' he supposedly likes could fall in love with someone else then she can fall in love with him"  
"Well but that's not happening. I mean, I'm with John, he's not gonna try anything... Right?" Anthony started to feel insecure. Oh no, just when everything was going so well... Jealousy had almost ruined their relationship once, it couldn't happen again.  
"That's what I asked him. He said he wouldn't come on to him, but he wouldn't give up without trying either. He said he'd try to make him fall in love with him" Flea explained. "If you ask me, I think he's projecting his necessities in John. He thinks that since he makes you happy he'd make him happy"  
"That's really the worst case scenario" Anthony sighed. "Thank you so so much for telling me, I really appreciate it. You think I should tell John?"  
"Are you crazy? No way! He'll start pushing him away and that'll not only hurt Chad but also the band. Think how tense everything would be. I think if we wait it will eventually go away" Flea answered.  
"Flea... You don't think that maybe... John could fall for him, do you?" Anthony asked cautiously.  
"Honestly, I think it's impossible to make him think about someone else. He's clearly in love with you, so I wouldn't worry about that. And I know it's hard not to be mad at Chad, but if I were you I wouldn't resent him. He's the only one who's at risk to get hurt. He's gonna feel really bummed when things don't turn up like he wants them to"  
"Yeah... Maybe in the meantime we could try to get him together with someone. I mean, I thought he was straight until now, but maybe we could introduce him to some guy..."  
"Hi Flea" John came from the bedroom.  
"Hey Johnny"  
"You want some champagne? I got a bottle in the freezer" John offered.  
"You bought that?" Anthony asked surprised. "You don't drink"  
"I know, I bought it for you" John replied, going to get the bottle.  
"And you wonder if he could leave you" Flea whispered. "I wonder if he even notices there's other people in the world sometimes"  
Anthony smiled and friendly punched Flea.  
John brought two glasses of champagne and sat beside his boyfriend, putting a hand around his waist.  
The three of them stayed up all night hanging out, but during the whole time Anthony kept thinking about what Flea had said. No, he wouldn't get jealous again. He wouldn't. He'd try not to. Okay, he was jealous, but he'd manage. He hoped...


	17. Chapter 17

Chad seemed to be coming around, thankfully. Since he'd had that talk at the coffee shop with John they'd been really close. John thought he'd encouraged him to follow his heart. He really hope he had. He loved Chad, he was a good guy and deserved to be happy.  
That afternoon, the couple was at John's place and Anthony was just about to leave when the phone rang.  
"Hello? Oh, hi Chad!" John said.  
"Hey Johnny, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out later?" He asked.  
"Sure, where?"  
"It's okay if I pick you up in an hour? There's a place I think you'll like" he sounded excited. John wondered if he would introduce him to that mysterious girl.  
"Yeah, that sounds good. Come by later" he told him.  
"See ya" he said and hung up.  
"Was that Chad?" Anthony asked.  
"Yeah, he wants me to go with him somewhere. He sounded kind of nervous" he said with a smile.  
"Yeah?" Anthony frowned. John got closer to him.  
"I'll tell you something just between us. I think he's gonna introduce me to that girl he likes" John said happily.  
Anthony crossed his arms. "What makes you think that?"  
"I don't know, I have a feeling. I sense strong emotions you know. He's clearly in love. I hope it works for him"  
Anthony didn't know how to react. John was clearly oblivious to Chad's feelings, and he was in love with him, so there was technically nothing to worry about. But the idea of John meeting with Chad, alone in the evening, to go fuck knows where, somewhere romantic of course, it made him sick. Fuck, why couldn't he just set his mind in someone else? He was one of his closest friends and he didn't want to hurt his feelings, but at the same time he got fucking jealous every time he was near John, 'cause he knew he was trying to seduce him.  
"You want me to go with you?" Anthony tried, mentally kicking himself. Pathetic.  
"Well, someone's curious" John said with a smile. That innocence made Anthony's heart melt. "Sorry, but you know Chad, if there's more people there he'll get shy"  
_'I know, that's why I asked'_ Anthony thought.  
"Okay then, I'll let you get ready" Anthony resigned himself. "I expect a full report later"  
"You're such a gossip. Of course I'll tell you everything" John kissed Anthony goodbye and went to get changed. He wasn't fully dressed for imaginable reasons.  
  
_________________  
  
"Where is it that you're taking me?" John asked. They were in Chad's car, going someplace unknown.  
"Patience Johnny. You'll like it" Chad smiled. "So how're things going?"  
"Everything's cool. But you know that, I mean, we're in the same band"  
"And how're things with Anthony? Everything fine?" Chad dug in.  
"Yeah, everything's great" John's eyes lit up. That hurt Chad a bit.  
"So the problems you used to have..."  
"Totally behind us luckily. Well, that's what happens when you're in love. But you should know" he winked at him. Chad flushed. Seeing he was open to talk about the subject, he decided to go deeper. Maybe he'll catch something.  
"How did you fall in love with him?" He asked.  
John looked surprised. "What do you mean?"  
"I mean... What did he do that made you know you loved him?"  
John reflected about it. "I don't really know. I mean, I was very young when we got together. I joined the band when I was 18 and we got together a year later. I didn't really think about it. I just liked him"  
"But can't you remember a fact that made you realise you were in love?" Chad insisted.  
"Well, yeah, there was one thing" John remembered. "It was after one of the record sessions of 'Blood Sugar'. I was very upset, about everything. Shit with my family, drugs, the pressure of success. And that night I stayed in the studio. I didn't want to go home. And I remember Anthony staying with me and letting me unleash my suppressed emotions on him. Afterwards, when I was more calmed, I asked him why he had stayed..."  
"And he confessed he was in love with you and that he couldn't stand leaving you alone like that?" Chad completed the cliché.  
John laughed. "That would have been the next line of every movie. But no, he didn't say that. And that's what really got to me. He told me _'nobody deserves to swallow their feelings because otherwise they'll keep hurting them. Staying here I can give you a chance to relieve your pain. And if I can help you then why wouldn't I?'_  
For a moment they fell silent for the rest of the ride. John was remembering that moment, and Chad was thinking how he could make him feel the same way.  
"We're here" Chad announced. They arrived to a little, cozy jazz club. John immediately liked it. "Told you" Chad winked at him. They got in.  
Chad had made a reservation for one of the best tables. It was very close to the stage and away from the noise.  
"This is great" John commented. He loved the show, and the sits, and the food. The atmosphere was lovely there.  
"I'm glad you liked it" Chad said.  
"So?" John said smiling.  
Chad looked at him. "What?"  
"Is there anything you want to tell me?"  
Chad got nervous. What did he know? And why was he so willing? Wasn't he supposed to be in love with Anthony?  
"Yeah, there is, actually..." Chad decided to go for it. Better that than hiding his feelings for longer. That was killing him.  
John smiled, unaware of the drummer's intentions.  
"You know we were talking about relationships, and how I told you there was this person I liked?" Chad started. John seemed very excited, which encouraged him. "Well, there's something I want to tell about that. I hope you'll like it"  
All of a sudden, John's face turned pale.  
"John? You ok?" Chad asked.  
"Chad, we have to leave. Now. We need to leave now" John's voice was trembling, and he was very upset.  
"Why? What's going on?" Chad didn't understand.  
"Hey Johnny" someone called him from the next table.  
Mark.


	18. Chapter 18

John kept his eyes on the table, not daring to look at the man standing in front of him.  
"Now you won't even talk to me? Not even after you've caused me a contusion?" Mark pointed at the bruises in his face. Chad didn't know who to look at. But the distressed look in John's eyes was enough for him to understand. That man was not welcome.  
"Look, we're kind of in the middle of something here" Chad told Mark in a polite but emphatic tone.  
"This is none of your business big guy" Mark leaned over to get closer to John, but Chad put a hand in his chest to stop him.  
"I believe it is. Get the hell out of here. I'm not gonna say it again"   
Mark stared at Chad for some seconds, and finally said.  
"Someday you won't have any of your bodyguards around John. What are you gonna do then?"   
With that, Mark walked away.  
"Are you okay?" Chad asked concerned. John looked altered and scared.  
"I'm fine. But please let's just go home" John almost pleaded.  
"Yeah, sure, don't worry" Chad told him. They drove to Chad's house.  
"You can stay here for the night if you want" Chad offered.  
"Thanks, but I don't want to bother you. Can I just use the phone?" John said.  
"Sure" Chad told him.  
John went to the phone and marked Anthony's number.  
"Hey babe" his voice was soft and shaken.  
"Hey, is everything alright?" Anthony asked.  
"Yeah, everything's fine, thankfully. Can you come pick me up? I'm at Chad's place" John said.  
"Why are you there?" Anthony asked. He didn't like that at all.  
"We came here after going to a jazz club" John explained. "Can you come?"  
"Yes, of course, I'll be there in twenty minutes" Anthony assured.  
"Great. Thanks love"  
After that, they hung up.  
"You really could have stayed you know. It's not a problem" Chad commented casually, trying not to show it had bothered him.  
John smiled grateful. "I know. I just want to go home, that's all. But thanks, I had a lot of fun. Well, until the incident"  
"Who was that guy anyway? Why would he hate you?" Chad asked.  
John looked away. "He's... A guy I met at a concert. He... He came on to me that night. And I rejected him. He didn't like that so..."   
Chad looked at him concerned. "John, did he do anything to you?"  
"No, no. Anthony got there just in time. Well, you saw the bruises" John said.  
"Well, thank God he was there. Not that you can't defend yourself, of course..."  
"No, actually I couldn't then. He drugged me" John told him.   
Chad's jaw was on the floor.  
"That son of a bitch!" He shouted. John liked that. "You should have told, I would have beaten the shit out of him"  
"Thanks. I know" John chuckled.  
"I'm sorry I took you there" Chad said sincerely.  
John shrugged. "You couldn't have known, it's not big deal. I had a lot of fun with you, I always do. And I believe we were in the middle of a conversation"   
Chad blushed. Yeah, they were having a conversation, if that's what you call confessing your love to someone.   
"I was telling you something about that special someone" Chad said.  
"Yeah, I kind of imagine where this is going" John's smile grew wider as Chad's heartbeat increased.  
"Yeah, you do?"  
"Yeah. It worked, right?"  
"I think so..." Chad said cautiously.  
"So when do I get to meet her?" The guitarist asked excited.  
That confused Chad. What? Of course. How stupid. He had no idea. That thought hadn't even crossed his mind.   
"Well..." Chad didn't know what to say. Luckily, the bell rang and that saved him. He went to answer. It was Anthony.   
"Hi man, come in" Chad pretended to be glad he'd come. Anthony said hi and got in.  
"Is everything alright? John sounded kind of strange on the phone" Anthony said.    "Yeah... We ran into Mark in the jazz club" Chad answered.  
"What?!" The singer ran into the living room to find John and hugged and kissed him exaggeratedly. "Are you okay honey?"  
"So I guess he already told you" John smiled weakly. "I'm fine, Chad sent him off. He didn't hurt me or anything, I just got scared"  
"Well obviously, I can imagine. Did he tell you anything?" Anthony asked, not letting go completely of his boyfriend, partly to comfort him and partly to send a message to Chad.   
"He said something about me giving him a contusion, so I guess that's on you" John laughed.  
"He deserved that and more. I think we should get a restraining order ASAP" Anthony said.  
"No, let's not get into trouble" John said. "I don't think I'm ready to do something like that. What if that makes him more resentful?"  
"Anthony, maybe John's right" Chad intervened. "Think about the possible reprisals, that guy's crazy, remember"  
Anthony glared at him. "I know that, sadly. That's why I want to keep him as far from him as possible" Anthony turned to John. "Look, let's discuss it at home, okay?"  
"No, that's fine, Chad can participate" John said.  
"Babe, listen to me" Anthony tried to reason with him. "I know it's a pain in the ass, but if he thinks he can just approach you whenever he wants we need to do something about it"  
"Yeah, maybe you're right" John reflected.  
"He'd be under vigilance, he wouldn't hurt you" Anthony assured him.   
"I just... I feel so defenceless when it comes to him" John admitted. "I feel like he could come at any moment and nothing would be able to stop him"  
"John, I understand how you feel. I do. But it's just the normal post-traumatic fear" Chad told him. "It'll go away eventually"  
John looked at him intently. "Are you sure? I mean, most of the time I'm fine. But sometimes I can't help but remember"  
Anthony draped an arm around John. "I don't know if this will make you feel better, but I stopped him once and I can do it twice"  
John giggled. "It weirdly helps" he said, returning the hug.  
Chad looked uncomfortable in the middle of that scene and Anthony noticed. He held John a bit longer, until they parted.  
"Well, I think it's time to go" Anthony told his boyfriend.  
"Yeah. Bye Chad. Thanks for everything" John hugged him, surprising both, the drummer and the singer. Chad hugged him back, holding him tight.  
After that, the couple went home.  
"So... Apart from the ugly part, how was the evening?" Anthony asked later.  
"Pretty great actually. It seemed like Chad was really opening up. He was about to tell me something important about that girl he loves when you arrived" John answered.  
Anthony felt relieved. Good, he had stopped him, and had marked off territory. But Chad had had the opportunity to be the heroe by getting rid of Mark, and now he and John had a pending conversation. Anthony sighed. That situation was going to drive him insane.  
"Honey?" He called John. "We need to talk"  



	19. Chapter 19

Anthony knew that there was nothing left to do but tell him the truth. Then, John could manage the information the way he wanted. They were sat in the living room of Anthony's house, and he didn't know how to start the conversation.  
"What do you want to talk about?" John asked.  
Anthony cleared his throat. "First of all, I am sorry I didn't tell you this before. I really wanted to, but it didn't seem right and I didn't know how it could affect you" The guitarist felt his chest tightening. Seeing John's concerned expression, Anthony held his hand across the table and continued. "And don't worry. I didn't have an affair or anything like that. Nor did my feelings for you change. At all"  
John exhaled in relief.  
"Then what is it?"   
"It's about something Flea told me that night he came to visit. You know, after the surprise you gave me" Anthony said. John blushed remembering that.  
"That afternoon you'd had a talk with Chad" Anthony continued. "And you told me he said he was in love with someone, and that someone was in love with another guy"  
"That's a complicated way of saying it, but yeah" John answered.  
"Well, Flea said that after talking to you he went to his house and said the same to him. The only difference is that he told who that someone was"  
"So who's the girl" John asked. "Is it someone we know? Is it Flea's ex wife or something?"   
"It's not a girl" Anthony said.  
"Oh" John wasn't expecting that. "Well, if it was a guy why on earth wouldn't he tell me? I mean, I'm dating you, it's not like I'm gonna be judgemental" he laughed.   
"He didn't tell you because it's you" Anthony finally confessed.  
John didn't understand. "I'm what?"  
"You're that someone. Chad's in love with you" the singer looked away.   
John was speechless. "He's... He's what? How? Since when? And why the hell didn't you tell me? Everybody knew except me, the person who's involved the most?" John seemed angry, but not as much as he was shocked.  
"I'm so sorry I didn't tell you the moment I knew it" Anthony apologised. "Flea said that it would create tension in the band and that if we waited it would eventually go away. He says it's just a crush. But I just... I had to tell you. Especially when Chad is trying to get you alone all the time. It's not only that he'll get hurt, but to be honest I get jealous 'cause I know what he wants. And it's not that I don't trust you but I know he's trying to make you fall for him. And I'm scared he'd succeed" Anthony explained.  
John was silent. He didn't know what to do. Chad was his best friend...  
"So that's why he... He asked me how I'd fallen in love with you. What you'd done that lured me" John said.   
"And what was it?" Anthony asked. John glared at him. "Right, not important right now. You'll tell me later though"  
"The point is, I wish you'd told me sooner. But I don't blame you, and I'm not mad" John said, to Anthony's tranquillity. "I just don't know what to do"  
"Maybe we should introduce him to someone. You know, maybe that way he'll forget about you" Anthony proposed.  
John shook his head. "No, I need to talk to him. I need to tell him that I know how he feels and that I don't feel the same way. It may hurt him but that's the only way he'll really move on. And if it's just a crush like Flea said, then it won't be long till he's back to normal"  
"Yeah, maybe you should. It's not gonna be easy though" Anthony said.  
"For me or for you?" John asked, making Anthony blush.  
"Alright, for both. I'm sorry. I don't want to suffocate you with my jealousy. Don't listen to me" Anthony said. John rested his head in his shoulder.  
"You don't suffocate me. And I know you trust me. Don't worry. It'll be over soon" John patted his hand gently. They went to bed, but there was bitterness their hearts. They were about to consciously hurt someone they loved.


	20. Chapter 20

John's hands were sweating, he was really nervous. It was Flea's birthday and John and Anthony had decided John would talk to Chad afterwards. The idea was to get him in a good mood. The birthday was really fun, even though Anthony had been acting a little possessive in front of the drummer.   
"Babe, I think they got the message" John told him, when he hadn't let go of his hand in ten minutes.  
"Sorry" Anthony apologised. "I don't want to annoy you, it's just stronger than me. Just tell me when I get heavy and I'll leave you alone"  
"Don't worry, no one's gonna take me away from you, be sure of that" John assured him, kissing the tip of his nose quickly.   
"Yeah, it's my best friend's birthday party for fuck's sake. I shouldn't be worrying, I should be having fun" Anthony smiled and joined the group in the pool, making a cannonball jump and soaking everything around. Everybody laughed.  
John was sitting in a lounger with his eyes closed. Chad sat beside him and gently snapped him back to reality putting a hand in his shoulder.  
"Hi" the drummer said. "Having fun?"  
"More like taking a break" John smiled. "I love this parties but it gets exhausting, you know"  
"Yeah, sometimes you just need to take some time to recover" Chad leaned back in the lounger next to John. "You wanna go inside? There's a football table we could use"  
"Thanks, but no thanks. I'm not really fond of football. Or sports in general" John answered.   
"Alright. Have you been working on new stuff recently?" Chad asked.  
"Yeah, I've recorded some things in my studio at home. But nothing important. I want to focus on the band right now" John said.  
"Maybe I could listen to some of them sometime"   
John blushed. "I don't think so. I mean, don't take it personal. I haven't even shown them to Anthony yet. My last solo album was pretty horrible, so I kinda want to be sure of the new stuff before I show it to anyone"   
"What are you talking about? It was a great album" Chad didn't understand.  
John looked away. "Well, I wouldn't know. I was pretty much gone. And I only released it to... To get money for drugs. It's not something I'm very proud of"  
"Oh" Chad felt silent. Of course, stupid. The last few years had been a black hole for John.  
"Sorry for killing the mood. Let's talk about more interesting things" John proposed.  
The next hour they talked none stop about everything. Music, life, the band, what they were expecting for the future. Anthony looked at them from the pool, trying not to get jealous. John was going to tell him everything, right? They were just friends. He never got jealous about them before, why start now? Because he's actively trying to seduce your boyfriend, Anthony thought. He ordered his mind to shut up. It didn't work.  
  
______________________  
  
The party ended, and instead of going home with Anthony, John asked Chad to take a walk. The singer went home, against his will.  
Chad and John walked in comfortable silence. Chad didn't know why John had asked him to go for a walk, but he didn't mind. And John... He was just working up the courage to break his best friend's heart.  
"Chad... Remember how we were talking the other night before Anthony came?" He started.  
"Yeah" Chad answered absently.  
"Well, I think I know where you were getting at" John said.  
"I respectfully disagree" Chad laughed, sure that John had no clue. The guitarist stopped walking.  
"Look at me" he asked. Chad did so.  
"Johnny, what's going on?" He asked.  
"I know" John said.   
It took Chad some moments to realise what he was saying, but when he did, his heart sunk.  
"Oh... So?" Chad didn't know what to say.  
"So... I'm sorry... But it can't be. I'm with Anthony now. We... We're in love" John felt awful. He knew what it was like to have a broken heart, he'd had it for years.  
Chad looked down, forcing himself to hold back his tears.  
"It's okay... I guess deep down I already knew" he shrugged.  
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you" John held his hands. "And please don't think this means things have to change between us. 'Cause I would hate to lose you. You're a great person Chad, and I love you very much"  
"Yeah, I know. But you're not in love with me. And you'd never be"  
"Don't say that. Please. I know how rejection can make you feel. Don't listen to that. Just because I belong to someone else doesn't mean you won't fall in love again" John didn't know what to do to make him feel better.  
"It's okay John, it's not your job to cheer me up. Really, I'm fine" Chad said. "Just tell me something. What do you like about me? What is it that someone may find attractive in me?"  
John smiled. "Well, everything. You're good looking, smart, talented, nice and generous. There's a lot to love about you Chad"  
"But I fell for the only person I shouldn't have" Chad said.   
Seeing him so vulnerable and sad broke John's heart. Instinctively, he leaned down and kissed him. Chad responded almost immediately, but then John came back to his senses and softly pushed him away.  
"Wow... I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to confuse you, I..."  
"You didn't" Chad interrupted him. "It was pretty clear I confused you. But now I know this is not what you want. I get it, it's fine. I think I just felt lonely, you know. But the truth is that if we belonged together it would be effortless, right? Like it is with you and Anthony. I shouldn't be trying to be someone else so you fall in love with me"  
"Yeah, that's exactly what love is" John said. "I'm sorry I hurt you, but I had to tell you. Otherwise it'd be just cruel, you know"  
"You did the right thing Johnny, as always. Of course I'm not mad at you. You were just trying to protect my feelings" Chad smiled and put a hand in John's shoulder. "We're cool. Everything's fine. I promise. And of course I won't say a word about the kiss"  
"I love you Chad. And I'm sure someone will love you the way you need soon enough" John said.  
They walked to Chad's house were John called a car. He thought about going to his house, but then he changed his mind. He had to talk to Anthony first. He was nowhere near to be ready to do it, but he had to. He thought about that the whole ride and still he didn't find a way to say it. He'd have to jump at it. No choice.  
"Hi" he said, surprising Anthony who was sat in his couch.  
"Hi, how did it go?" Anthony asked.  
"Better than expected. He's fine, I think" Anthony exhaled in relief. "But I need to tell you something" John sighed.   
"Sure, what's up?" Anthony said. The problem was solved, so it couldn't possibly be something bad... Right?  
"I told him everything, and I meant it. But I don't want to lie to you... I kissed him" John said quickly. "I'm sorry. It meant nothing. He was just so vulnerable it broke my heart. I was just a way to comfort him, I swear"  
Anthony was in shock. He didn't know how to react. He didn't want to be mad. He didn't want to feel hurt. He knew he had no right to feel that way. Or maybe he did? He wasn't sure. But in spite of everything, he did. He felt hurt and angry and wanted to cry. But he couldn't lash out at John, could he?   
"I guess I shouldn't be surprised" Anthony laughed bitterly.   
"What are you talking about?" John asked.  
"You're... Different. In a good way. And that makes people like you. I won't be able to change that, right? It had to happen. Sooner or later" Anthony sounded sad.  
"It didn't have to happen. I didn't want it to happen. It was just an spontaneous reaction. I was trying to console him. But that changes nothing. I love you and only you"  
"But you kissed him, right? Something made you want to kiss him" Anthony looked distant. He was staring at John, but his mind was elsewhere.   
"Tell me what you want me to do" John said.  
Anthony's expression changed. "What are you talking about?"   
"Tell me what will it take for you to forgive me. Just say it and I'll do it. I need you to believe me." John begged.   
Anthony looked at him and lots of things flashed before his eyes in a matter of seconds. No. He couldn't lose him. They'd come this far. They were humans, they made mistakes, it was only natural. He trusted him. He believed him. His eyes softened and he made his choice.  
"Come here" he patted the couch. John looked confused but sat beside him. "I don't need you to do anything. I trust you 'cause I love you. You don't have to prove yourself to me. I just... I may not show it but I'm very insecure when it comes to us. I just can't help but feeling you're inevitably gonna find someone better and leave. You don't realise how amazing you are because you don't even try to be. It's natural in you. You're nice and funny and interesting in so many ways and you're not conscious of that. But people notice. And they love you. And that scares me so much you can't imagine. I don't want to be possessive and annoying, I want you to feel free with me" Anthony said.  
"I do. I feel free and loved and appreciated. And I want you to feel the same way. I don't want you to be afraid of losing me, that's never gonna happen. I won't leave with Chad, or anyone. I'm where I want to be" he hugged Anthony tight. The singer hesitated at first, but then hugged him back lovingly. "I'm sorry I kissed him, I promise I never want to kiss anyone but you"  
Anthony smiled. "Good. 'Cause I feel the same way"   
  
  



	21. Chapter 21

"Come on John, this one is too small!" Anthony complained.  
"We're two people, what do we need so much space for?" John replied.  
"To be comfortable, maybe? To have guests? To have a studio? A playroom?" Nothing seem to content John. "Your meditation room?" Anthony tried. John's look softened. Bingo.   
"Well... Maybe we could look for some bigger houses..."  
"That'd be great. I have some in mind that..." Anthony fell silent.  
"What?" John asked.  
"That's fine guys" Chad said, coming into the room. "Flea told me everything, don't worry" the drummer turned to Anthony. "I never actually apologised. I'm sorry man. I didn't mean to put you in such an uncomfortable position"  
"Dude, it's fine" Anthony said sincerely. "I get it, I do. It wasn't your fault, you just couldn't control it. I don't want us to feel awkward around each other because of this. We're good, right?"  
"Yeah. We are. What houses are you seeing?" Chad asked. John and Anthony looked at eachother hesitatingly. "Come on, drop it already. I said I was good!" Chad smiled.   
"Alright sorry" John said. "We were trying to come to an arrangement. I want a smaller house and he wants a bigger one. But if we have a bigger one he'd let me have a meditation room, so I'm kind of accepting the bribe"  
"John, smaller houses are a pain in the ass, you can't do anything" Chad commented.  
"Thank you!" Anthony exclaimed. "See?"  
"Okay, drop it" John said. He sounded like a little boy. The two men laughed.  
"We'll get to it later. Let's get to rehearsal now" Anthony said.  
The band started playing and, as always, they were great. Everybody seemed so relaxed that there was no tension between John and Chad. Before going home, John went to talk with the drummer.  
"Hey. It's all good, right?" He asked.  
"Yeah Johnny, of course. I thought it was clear" Chad answered.  
"I just... And I'm sorry for being so insistent... But I'm worried that I hurt you. I really didn't mean to"  
"I know man, don't worry about that. I'm fine really. I'm moving on. And I'm not mad at you for feeling the way you feel, I have no right to do that" Chad smiled. He seemed sincere. That calmed John. He and Anthony said goodbye to their bandmates and went to John's place.  
  
"Chad seemed fine, didn't he?" Anthony told him. They were watching a movie in the couch. John was resting in Anthony's lap, and the singer played with his hair absently.  
"Yeah, he did" John answered. "I was really worried things wouldn't be the same. But I guess everything that could happen to us has already happened"  
"I like how that sounds" Anthony smiled.  
"On that note, I've been thinking about what you said to me in Chad's place. About the restraining order" John told him.  
Anthony straighten up. "Yeah? What made you change your mind?"   
"I had a nightmare last night" John explained. The singer held his hand almost instinctively. "We were walking down the street and then you kissed me goodbye and we parted. I was walking to my house and he appeared. And there was nothing I could do. I mean I know it's silly but..."  
"It's not silly babe. It's expectable. We'll get to it first thing in the morning. Well, second, first we gotta see the houses. I have one or two in mind I think you'll love"  
  
_______________________  
  
  
"This place is fucking insane!" John shouted excited. They were at one of the houses Anthony had proposed.  
"It's good that we don't have problems with money because you're the worst negotiator in the world" Anthony laughed at his enthusiasm.  
"You're welcome to come by later this week after you've thought it through" said the realtor with a smile.  
"Thank you ma'am. I think he's about to throw dollars at you though" Anthony answered.  
"Well, I can suggest the agency to make a discount to our valued clients" the lady offered. "You know, in exchange for a ticket for this weekend"  
"Give her anything, this is ours" John stated. They both giggled.  
"Okay, you have it" Anthony said. "See you on Saturday..."  
"Mary" the woman added.  
"Mary. Great. Express to your bosses that we're indecisive about this and we will need some convincing, would you?"  
"I will totally lie my ass out for you" she said with a smile.  
"That'd be much appreciated" the singer held her hand and kissed it gallantly. "See you then"  
The couple left.  
"So now you're checking out the ladies" John laughed.  
"Don't you start"  
"It's just so funny how girls react around you, I swear, if they knew we're dating we'd be swimming in the tears of all American heterosexual women"  
"You act quiet, but I see girls checking you out every time we go out" Anthony replied.   
"And men too, apparently" Mark came out of nowhere. "I told you it wasn't over Johnny. You can hide all you want but I'm not giving up"  
Anthony stepped up, covering John. "The only reason I didn't kill you then was because I had to take care of him but if you don't leave him alone I swear I will break your fucking head and then kick it like a fucking ball until I get tired"  
"Shut up, you faggot. You don't get a saying in this. Did you know what your dear boyfriend said to me while you weren't there? He said he was sick of you, that he wanted me. And then he played the victim when you found him"  
"Oh, so you drugged him because he wanted to?" Anthony was about to explode.  
"I didn't drug him, he was drunk. Come on John, tell him the truth" Mark said. His eyes were revengeful.  
Anthony couldn't take it and walked towards him.  
"Wait, Anthony, please" John held him back.   
"Yeah, don't worry. I'm not an idiot. You beat the shit out of me last time. I'll wait to get him alone" Mark said, walking past John. "See you later babe"  
"I'll fucking kill you, you hear me?!" Anthony shouted at him.  
"Anthony! Let's go home!" John yelled.   
"John, that man assaulted you, how can you say this?"  
"Because I'm scared and I want to go. Please"  
Anthony breathed deep. "Okay, okay. I'm sorry. Let's go"   
They got in the car. Anthony drove quietly until John broke the silence.  
"Just so you know..."  
"He was lying? I know" Anthony smiled mildly.  
"We need to do something about it. He really scares me, you know?"  
"I do. I'll talk to the lawyers as soon as we get home" Anthony told him.  
"What if that's not enough? How could I be sure it will actually keep him away? I don't think he gives a fuck about the law"  
"John, I promise I won't let him hurt you ever" Anthony was looking straight at the road.  
"But what if you can't?"  
"I will. Be sure of that"  
Anthony's look was intense and thoughtful, like he was trying to figure something out. It gave John a weird feeling of safety.  
  
"Flea? It's me" Anthony called him. He was whispering, although John was sound asleep and couldn't possibly hear.  
"Hey, what's up?" Flea said.  
"I need your help with something. Can we meet on Sunday? And let Chad know I have to talk to him as well"   
"Sure. Is John coming?" Flea asked.  
"No. And I would appreciate if you didn't tell him" Anthony answered.  
"Oh. Okay. Everything alright?"   
"Yeah, yeah. I just... I can't explain on the phone, I'll tell you then. Don't worry, everything's fine" Anthony said, and hung up. "Or will be" he added to himself.  
  
  



	22. Chapter 22

"So what is it?" Flea asked. The three musicians had met at a coffee shop away from all the places John frequented.  
"Well, this is gonna need a little introduction for you Flea. I think Chad's aware already" Anthony started. "I don't know if you remember but around a month ago John and I had some problems in our relationship"  
"How could I forget? I had to slap you in the face more than once" Flea laughed.  
"Yeah. Actually, that night you slapped me and made me go find him I walked into a situation I hoped I'd never had to be present in" the singer shifted uncomfortable.  
Flea leaned over the table. "What do you mean? Did he...?"  
"No. Quite the opposite" Chad put a hand in Flea's shoulder.  
"That night he went to that show, you know, and he met the singer of the band. He was apparently a fan, so they started talking and everything seemed to be fine until... Well, he assaulted him" Anthony said. He still felt anger and pain by saying that.  
Flea was astonished. "What? Oh my God. Poor guy. Is he okay? How could he not tell us? We could have helped him"  
Anthony smiled at Flea's kind nature. "Don't worry, he's fine. The jerk couldn't do anything to him. But now he's stalking him. The other day he confronted him in the street, and some weeks ago he and Chad ran into him in a bar. I'm working with the lawyers to get a restraining order, but just in case it isn't enough, I need your help"  
"Sure, anything" Chad said.  
"We gotta teach him a lesson. One he won't forget. Do you know anyone who can do that?" Anthony asked them.  
"What are you looking for exactly?" Chad replied.  
"I want to scare him. I want him to know I won't leave him alone until he gets the fuck away from John. For good" Anthony sounded serious.  
"You might want to calm down, buddy" Flea advised him. "I feel you, I do. I'd be as pissed as you are. But we're celebrities. We can't just do as we please. People are gonna see it. If you beat the shit out of a guy or threaten him or worse, who do you think it's gonna look bad?"  
"Flea, I don't care" Anthony replied. "I literally don't give a fuck. I just want John to feel secure again. He's..." The singer hesitated. He didn't know if John would want him to tell them that. But he was in too deep. Plus, he trusted them. They were his brothers. "He's not the same. I mean, it's hard to tell, but I noticed. He told me he's had nightmares lately. I don't want him to feel like that. I need him to know that he's safe"  
Flea and Chad looked at eachother uncertain.  
"We understand man" Chad told him. "I'm just not sure if it's the best option. Maybe wait a little. Go the legal way. If that doesn't work, we can discuss our choices"  
Anthony sighed. Maybe they were right...  
"Okay... I'll tell you later. Thanks guys. I don't know what I'd do without you"  
"Well, you don't have to worry about that" Flea smiled.  
After chatting for a while, the friends said goodbye and parted. But instead of going home, Anthony went to the police station.  
  
"Can I help you sir?" The officer asked  
Anthony cleared his throat  
"I'm here to present a report for harassment and sexual assault"  
  
______________________  
  
  
"So how was the meeting with the realtor? Anything good?" John asked, when Anthony came back.  
"Nothing as good as the house we saw yesterday" Anthony told him. He threw his jacket on the couch and grabbed John by the waist. "Gosh, I missed you, you know?"  
"Yeah? Were you thinking about me?" John teased.  
"Hell yeah. I was thinking about all the things I'd do to you when I got home. And here I am" the singer kissed him long and deep, and pushed him closer, rubbing his erection against the other's. He slid his hands under his shirt as he gently sucked John's neck. Suddenly, the guitarist pushed him away.  
"Get off of me!" John shouted.  
Anthony moved instinctively, shocked. Then he got closer to him again, slowly.  
"John? Are you okay?" He asked softly.  
"Stop! Go away!" John started hitting Anthony randomly with his eyes closed. They were weak, confused punches. Anthony tried to stop him gently.  
"John! Hey, it's okay! Babe, calm down!"  
Anthony grabbed his wrists and John slowly opened his eyes. He was breathing hard. Anthony threw his arms around him and squeezed him, cooing in his ear soothingly.  
"Oh God, I'm sorry" John said, panting in Anthony's shoulder.  
"Shh, it's okay love"  
"I thought you were him. I really saw him, I felt him" John wasn't crying, but he was certainly distressed.  
"You must have remembered yesterday's encounter, but he's not here John, and you're safe with me" Anthony said, still holding him. John broke the hug and looked him in the eye.  
"What if I'm not okay Anthony? What if I can't get over it? He didn't hurt me, I just saw him, and still I felt so helpless. What if that affects us?" John was drawling, breathing hard.  
"It's not gonna affect us, I promise. Nothing will. You can trust me. Yesterday I told you I was gonna do anything to make you feel better, and I meant it"  
"But it isn't about you, can't you tell? He's mined me. I can't even feel safe at home"  
Anthony felt angry at Mark for doing that to John but he suppressed that feeling, understanding that John just needed him to say everything would be okay.  
"John, I'm not giving up on you. Not now, not ever. And don't think there's something wrong with you. Don't let him control you. You're just distressed because of what happened yesterday. But that doesn't mean you're always like this"  
"But I am" John admitted.  
That left Anthony speechless. "What? Are you... Are you saying you always feel that way when I touch you?" Anthony asked.  
John looked away. "Well... Sometimes. Not always, you know. But ever since Chad and I ran into him I've been..." John didn't know how to finish the sentence, but it didn't matter. Anthony felt devastated.  
"John, you have to tell me those things. Please, I can't stand knowing that you were just... Letting me do things. If you don't enjoy it, then there's no point. Please promise me you'll tell me. I could never get mad at you because of something like that. And I'm sorry I didn't realise you weren't comfortable, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel bad"  
"Babe, I know. I just... I figured if I did it, then I'd get over it. I thought I just had to realise it wasn't him. Clearly, that's not how it works" John sounded frustrated.  
"You'll get over it, love. In time. There's no pressure, I'm right here for anything you might need. Just tell me anything that crosses your mind, and we'll figure it out, we always do" Anthony smiled. But that didn't console John.  
"I just want this to be over. I want things to be the way they were. You might say it won't affect us, but deep down you know as much as I do that if I can't get over it, then eventually it will break us apart" John said, his voice cracking.  
"No. Don't say that. It's not true" Anthony assured, in the brink of tears. "I won't let anything break us apart. Do you hear me? Something I've learned about relationships is that you have to hold on when the other one can't. You're going through something and it's hard. And you feel like it will last forever but it won't. You have the mistaken idea that I could get tired of you. But nothing in this world could ever make me go away. I don't know how to get you to understand that"  
"It's not that I don't understand" John explained. "It's just that there's a very thin line between _wanting_ to stay and _having_ to stay. I don't doubt that you love me as much as I love you. And I don't think that that will change. But what I do fear is that you feel you have to stay because of what I'm going through"  
"I _have_ to stay, but not because you're holding me down. I have to stay because I can't live without you. And you're not going to feel this way forever, although I would happily stay if you did. No doubt. But you're not. You're gonna get your sense of security back. What happened to you does not define you. You're so much bigger than that. You're a wonderful person and an amazingly talented musician. And you've overcome worst situations. You can do this love, I know you can"  
Anthony held John's hand. John looked him in the eye and could feel his love. That gave him a reassuring feeling of safety. He leaned over and kissed him. It was soft and even shy. Anthony returned the kiss and, ever so gently, caressed the side of his face. John kissed the singer's hand and pressed their foreheads together. Slowly, they got closer and closer until they were pressed against eachother.  
"You alright?" Anthony asked, his face buried in the crook of John's neck.  
"Yeah..." John sighed.  
"Just let me know okay?"  
"I promise"  
Anthony hesitated.  
"Seriously. I'm fine" John reassured.  
The guitarist slowly unbuckled Anthony's belt, to show him he was okay. But the singer still looked uncertain.  
"I genuinely didn't know how you felt the other times" Anthony said. There was hurt in his eyes. "I really thought you wanted to. How could I know you want to this time?"  
"I do. Love, I do" John told him. "You're not forcing me to anything, I want to. And you never forced me to anything, I didn't tell you because I thought it was the best way to get over it, not because I thought you wouldn't understand. I knew I could ask you to stop at any moment and you would. I trust you. And right now, I want it. I want you. I want you to have me"  
Anthony smiled fondly, and grabbed John by the waist. He helped him out of his shirt and caressed his chest.  
"You're so beautiful" he admired. Then he kissed his chest lovingly and asked him to turn around. He ran his hands through John's back slowly, up and down, tapping every so often. Then kissed the back of his neck and hugged him from behind, rubbing himself against him and covering his shoulders with kisses. John sighed. He was really enjoying it.  
"Anthony..." He called him in a sighed.  
"Yes love?"  
"Take me" John asked him.  
Anthony smiled and, with a hand in John's back, he lied him face down on the couch. He kissed his cheek and lovingly ran his hand through his hair. Then he stood over him and quickly prepared him with his fingers. John moaned. Hearing him moaning both aroused and calmed Anthony, 'cause it meant he was having a good time. He thrust with his fingers faster a few more times and then removed them. He got on top of John and slowly entered him, making the guitarist moan and sigh. When he was completely inside him, he withdrew and then pushed all in again.  
"Ahh... Fuck..." John panted. Seeing John's pleasure, Anthony decided it was okay to go harder. He was very worked up himself and longing for release. As the intensity of the thrust increased, so did the moaning. John turned to look at Anthony, who leaned down and kissed him. He was so happy. He felt free. The fear he'd felt moments ago when Anthony had touched him had gone away, and he just felt grateful to have a boyfriend so attentive and kind. He thought about how there was people like Mark in the world. People hurting other people in ways he could hardly imagine. He thought about women. They had it even worse. And yet, he'd been lucky enough to find someone who loved him and cared about him, even more than he cared about himself.  
"Ahh... I love you..." John sighed.  
"Love you..." Anthony mumbled.  
The singer kept thrusting into John, who was lifting his hips to get even closer to him. Anthony draped his arms over John's shoulders and kissed the back of his neck, as he pounded into him keeping a steady rhythm. It was a beautiful moment. John felt himself in the verge of tears, and as they started to fall from his eyes, he lifted to get as close to Anthony as he could. When Anthony noticed, he stopped his thrusts, concerned.  
"Don't worry, I'm fine" John anticipated to Anthony's question. "I just got emotional, that's all. I'm really happy"  
The singer smiled and resumed. He pushed deeper into John, making him gasp, and gave firm, shallow thrusts, hitting the exact spot that made John howl.  
"Oh fuck" Anthony sighed under his breath, riding him even harder. John moaned in response, and felt Anthony's cock hardening, sign that he was getting close. At that point, the singer let himself go. He pounded harder with each thrust, sighing and moaning until he came, shouting his boyfriend's name. That was enough to bring the guitarist over the edge, and in a matter of seconds, John came as well.  
"Holy fuck" Anthony sighed.  
"Yeah..." The guitarist answered. He couldn't stop smiling.  
"How're you feeling?" Anthony asked.  
"I'm great. I'm happy. I'm in love. What could be better?" John leaned over and kissed Anthony, wanting to show him everything he felt for him. How much he loved him. How much he looked up to him. How he was the most important person in his life. How much he appreciated everything he'd done for him.  
Anthony smiled at him. He'd gotten the message.


	23. Chapter 23

"What can I get you?" The waiter asked.  
"Just a coffee, thanks" Mark answered.  
"Right away"   
A few minutes later, the waiter brought the coffee, and Mark drank it while he read a magazine.  
"Hey" a shout was heard. Mark turned his head and saw Anthony standing by the door. He frowned. What could he possibly want?  
"What the hell are you doing here?" Mark asked.  
"Relax, I just want to talk" the singer said. "You know, as much as I hate you and I would love to hit your head against this table repeatedly until you bleed to death, there are some things you said that I just can't stop thinking about"  
"Alright, easy tiger. What makes you think I'm gonna answer to your questions?" Mark said reluctantly.  
"Simply because I'm desperate. I thought about the risks of talking to you, and how you could hurt me, but when I saw you I realised I need to know. So if you could help me, even out of pity or to get revenge, I'd appreciate it" Anthony answered, swallowing his pride and anger. _Hold on_ , he said to himself, _it's just a moment._   
"Okay" Mark grinned. "I'm just gonna say it, then. John came on to me. Maybe because he was pissed at you, maybe because he liked me, but anyway, the truth is that he wanted me. He never said he was dating, he only mentioned you as his ex. And let's be honest, I wouldn't have cared if I had known. I liked him. A lot. Not only 'cause I was a fan, but also because he's charming and hot. So I invited him backstage and... Well, we had sex. The moment you came in? We were about to start again. He'd already cheated on you. He just acted like he'd been assaulted so you wouldn't know he did" Mark changed his expression as he told the story. Now he sounded sad and regretful.  
Anger boiled inside Anthony, but he kept it cool.   
"I can't believe it" he said, covering his face with his hands. "This changes everything. All the things he told me..."  
"All the lies" Mark corrected him, failing to hide his smile.  
"All the lies... How am I supposed to continue?"   
"Oh, don't worry babe, it'll be okay" Mark said. He threw an arm around Anthony.  
"I... I need to get some air" the singer said. "Um... This is awkward, but... Could you come with me?"   
Mark blinked. What the fuck? "Um... Sure, why not? Let me just pay for the coffee"  
Mark called the waiter and paid the bill.  
"Let's go"  
He and Anthony walked together for a couple of blocks. It was still early in the morning, so there wasn't a lot of people around.  
"I just can't believe he did that" Anthony said suddenly. "It's not like I wouldn't have understood. We had a fight, he got drunk and he vented his anger with you. It's understandable right?"  
"Yeah. And it's more believable than the rape story" Mark added.  
"Well, clearly not, 'cause I believed him" Anthony said sad.  
"Not completely. If you had, you wouldn't have come to see me. There's a reason why everything I said lingered in your mind"  
"How can I know you're telling the truth, though?" Anthony asked.  
"You can't" Mark answered. "But think about it. How could I have put GHB in his beer without him noticing? It makes no sense"  
"Who said anything about GHB?" Anthony said. _Bingo, I got ya_ , he congratulated himself.  
"Um... Well, you did, earlier in the coffee house" Mark said nervously.  
"I did not. How could I know?" Anthony enquired.  
"Maybe it was one of John's lies" Mark was now desperate.  
"If it had been, how could you have known?"  
"I don't, I... I don't know why I said it. Does it ever happen to you? Sometimes I say things just because" Mark laughed hysterically.  
"Or maybe you're just lying" Anthony glared at him.   
"I'm not, I..."  
"For fuck's sake, cut the crap!" Anthony yelled. Mark shut up. "I know you're lying, I knew it all along!"  
Mark looked confused at first, but then bursted into laughter.  
"Alright, alright, you wanna know the truth? This is the truth" he said, grinning. "I drugged him with GHB, but that doesn't change a thing. He wanted me, he flirted with me all night long. He wanted me to fuck him, so I did. I grabbed him, threw him against the couch backstage and fucked him hard and fast till he begged me to stop. And even when he did I kept going because he deserved it. He asked for it"  
Right after he finished the sentence, three policemen appeared from an alley and two police cars arrived.  
"Mark Jones, you're under arrest for sexual assault and harassment. You have the right to remain silent. Whatever you say can and will be used against you in a court of law" one of the cops said, handcuffing him.  
"What? What the fuck?!" Mark yelled, struggling against the handcuffs.  
"We heard your confession" another cop said.   
"What? But I wasn't serious! I was just trying to piss him off! I never assaulted anyone" Mark said.  
The policemen ignored him and shove him into the patrol car.  
"Thank you for your collaboration, we'll be in touch" one of the cops told Anthony.  
"You're welcome officer" Anthony shook his hand.  
The patrol car drove away, taking Mark with him, and Anthony walked back home, satisfied.  



	24. Chapter 24

"Hey love" Anthony phoned John.  
"Hey, I called you earlier but you weren't home" John said.  
"Yeah, that's why I'm calling. You wanna come over? I've got news"   
"About?"  
"Just come!" Anthony sounded excited.  
"Alright! Must be very good then" John laughed. "I'll be there in a bit"  
Twenty minutes later, John got to Anthony's house.   
"So, here I am. What happened?" John asked.  
"Yesterday I ran into Mark" Anthony began, and John flinched involuntarily.   
"That's not really what I consider to be the beginning of a great story"   
"Relax, it gets better" Anthony said. "Anyway, it wasn't exactly a coincidence. I tricked him and got his confession. He's in jail now. I wasn't home earlier because I was at the police station"  
John couldn't believe what he was hearing. He was so shocked he couldn't even be happy. He was in prison? That meant it was over. He was free.  
"How... How did you do that?" John asked, still in shock.  
"I went to the police and told them everything that happened. I said I had a plan to get Mark to confess and they gave me a chance. So they followed him and I faked an encounter, I talked to him and made him admit what he had done. It was better than expected, because he made it sound worse to spite me. The police heard and they imprisoned him. There's the trial, of course, but I know we'll win. I talked to the lawyers and they say that there's no way we lose. Not only because of the case but because the judge is a huge Chili Peppers fan. All we have to do is..."  
Anthony was interrupted by John kissing him. It was a long, emotional kiss. John was unleashing a lot of emotions.   
"Thanks" John said, his eyes watering. "You're truly the best thing that ever happened to me. I could never repay you"  
"You could repay me getting better. And letting me help you get better. That's all I ask of you. Well, actually, I kind of need one more thing" Anthony said slyly.  
"I'll definitely put out tonight" John laughed.  
"That's great, but not quite what I was thinking about" Anthony giggled. "I want us to buy the house. The one that we saw together. I want to move in with you as soon as possible. It may be a little too soon but it just feels right" Anthony's eyes lit up. "So, what do you say?" He immediately got nervous. If John said no...  
John smiled at him, lovingly. "Alright"  
"Yeah? You want to? That's amazing!" Anthony celebrated.  
"Just let me go to the bathroom first" John said, getting up.  
"Wait, like, right now?" Anthony asked.  
"Yeah, why not? The sooner we buy it, the sooner we'll move in. If it were me, I would do it today. So yeah, let's go"  
John gave Anthony a quick kiss and went to the bathroom.  
"You might want to get changed" he told Anthony on his way.  
"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"  
John looked at him intently. "Alright, alright"  
Anthony got up and went to get changed. Around half an hour later, the couple was ready to go.  
  
"So, welcome back!" The realtor said with a smile.  
"Hi Mary" Anthony said. "Did you talk to your bosses about us?"  
"Indeed. This is the new offer. I got you a good discount" Mary extended a piece of paper.   
"Hey, great work" John congratulated her.  
"Well, it was a great show you invited me to" Mary smiled. "So? Did you come to any decision?"  
"Yeah, we're getting it. We can sign the contract right now" Anthony said.  
"Oh! That's great! I'll get the papers"   
With that, Mary left the room.  
Anthony walked through the house, admiring.  
"It's ours" he said, almost whispering. "It's really ours. Our home"  
"Yeah. It's crazy" John said. "To think we've been through everything a couple could go through and still here we are. In love, hoping for the future..."  
He gazed at Anthony, his eyes full of love. Anthony wrapped an arm around him.  
"So, here they are" Mary came into the room and handed them the contract.  
"Oh, great" Anthony said, taking out a pen. He signed it and then handed it to John.  
"Well, it's yours then. You have to make the payment this week" Mary told them. "I'll talk with the agency to set a date"   
John smiled at Anthony.  
"Much appreciated. Now, if you excuse us..."   
  
________________________  
  
Just a week after, the couple was unpacking boxes at the new house. Chad, Flea, and some other friends and family had gone to help them, and then they had stayed for dinner to celebrate.  
  
"Honey, were are my CDs? I want to show some to Flea and they aren't with my stuff" John called Anthony from the bedroom.  
"Maybe I put them with mine by mistake" Anthony answered.  
John huffed and went to look into one of Anthony's boxes.   
"There they are" he mumbled. He pulled out the CDs and the sound of a glass shattering was heard. John gasped loudly, horrified.  
A needle.  



	25. Chapter 25

John was astonished. He couldn't think, let alone move. The sound of the needle shattering against the floor still echoed in his ears.  
"What the fuck!" He shouted, when he could finally react.  
Moments later, hurried steps were heard from the stairs.  
"Everything okay?" Anthony asked, agitated from running.  
"No, everything is fucking wrong!" John answered angrily. "What is this?" He pointed at the broken needle. Anthony blushed and looked away. He'd been discovered. For a moment, none of them said anything. John just looked expectantly at Anthony, who didn't dare to look up.  
"I'm sorry. So terribly sorry" Anthony finally said. He sat on the bed, refusing to look at John, and broke down in tears. Not sure of what to do, John slowly got closer and sat beside him. The singer had hidden his face in his hands, but John could see him crying. The guitarist wrapped him in his arms gently, petting his head and letting him cry against his chest.  
"Why didn't you tell me? I could have helped you" John said. Anthony didn't answer, and he didn't really need to. John knew why. He was embarrassed.  
John waited for Anthony to calm down and then looked at him.  
"We're not going to discuss this right now" he told him. "Let's just go to the party and enjoy. Afterwards, we'll talk about it and figure it out, alright?"  
Anthony nodded, still looking down. John cupped his face in his hands.  
"I'm not mad. Really. Let's just take a minute and then we'll go back down there and have a good time" John told him. "I would never judge you. It'll be okay. We'll work it out"  
John got up, grabbed his CDs and turned to go out the door. He looked at Anthony one last time, and gave him a reassuring smile. Anthony smiled back weakly, but he didn't come back to the party.  
  
"Everybody was worried about you" John commented, while getting changed to go to bed.  
Anthony didn't answer.  
"Can you please say something? Anything. I can't help you if you don't talk to me. And believe me, that's all I want"  
There were a few moments of dead silence.  
"It started like two months ago" Anthony began talking. "I don't know why I did it, but obviously I couldn't control it. And I didn't even hide it well" he laughed bitterly.  
John walked across the room, processing the information and trying to find an adequate answer. He didn't want to make Anthony feel bad, and he wasn't mad at him. Not at all. He of all people wouldn't judge him. What he couldn't understand was why, after everything they'd been through, he'd chosen to hide it.  
"I'm sorry John" Anthony told him. "You have every right to be angry and if you want to take some time apart, I understand..."  
"I'm not mad Anthony. And fuck, the last thing I want is to be apart from you in this moment. I want to help you through it. But you need to be honest. About everything"  
"Okay" Anthony said, and sat up on the bed. "I relapsed two months ago, as I said. I had the mistaken idea that I could find a way to control it, somehow I thought that I could magically not become addicted again. I don't know. I've never been clean for too long. But that doesn't mean I don't want to. I do. I want to be present in every moment of our life together. I don't want to miss a thing. I'm sorry, I know I let you down..."  
John shook his head. "Don't say that, you could never let me down. I just... I know what is like. Maybe more than you. No, definitely more than you. It kills you. It breaks your heart slowly and painfully until you can't find a single reason to keep living. And I'd rather go through all that all over again than seeing it happen to you. So I won't let it happen, you hear me? I won't"  
Before Anthony could respond, he hugged him tight. "You'll be fine. It won't be easy but it will be alright"  
John's response overwhelmed Anthony. Never had he felt so loved and protected. He was sure he'd fucked it up. He thought John wouldn't be able to cope with it, that's why he hid it. But he was clearly stronger that him in that way. Curled up in John's arms, he allowed himself to let go of his worries for a moment.  
"I'll help you with everything you might need. I got a lot of experience in that area, you know" John giggled softly.  
"I thought you wouldn't want to be reminded of that time" Anthony told him. "That's why I didn't want to tell you, I thought it would push you away"  
"I'll do whatever it takes to help you get better. I'm not an addict anymore, that means I can help you with that"  
"And what about the withdrawal symptoms?" Anthony told him.  
"I know those like the back of my hand, sadly. Honey, you'll be fine. And if we can't do it alone, then we'll look for help somewhere else. But I assure you, it gets better. I'm the proof you have"  
"I wish I had been strong enough..." Anthony sighed.  
John looked sideways at his arms, sadly. "Me too..."


	26. Chapter 26

"It's too cold" Anthony shivered. He was lying in bed, covered with three blankets. John brought one more and sat beside him.   
"Here" he covered him with the blanket. "Are you hungry?"   
"No..." Anthony mumbled. He had his eyes shut.   
"Drink this" John handed him a cup of herbal tea.  
"Don't want it" Anthony said.  
"I know, but you have to take it"  
"Fuck off"   
"Drink this and I'll leave you alone"   
Anthony huffed. "Fine" he took the cup and drank it slowly. When he finished, John got up from the bed. "Wait" Anthony grabbed his hand. "I'm sorry. Please stay"  
John smiled. "Okay"   
"It's still cold" Anthony whimpered.  
John shifted to hold Anthony in his arms, making him feel better immediately.  
"I'll prepare you a bath later" John told him. "That'll warm you up"  
"I need it John, please. Just a little dose, that's all I need" Anthony begged.  
"I love you too much to do that" John replied.  
"But I feel like shit..."  
"I know" John simply answered. It was useless to tell him it would get better. He'd have to see it himself.  
"John, I'm gonna throw up" Anthony said. John gave him a bucket, just in time.   
A few minutes later, Anthony was in the hot tub, and John was washing him patiently. After that, he dressed him up and lied in bed with him.  
"Just a few days love" he whispered in his ear, gently touching his face. "We're gonna do some yoga tomorrow. That really helped me"  
Anthony leaned into the touch, and started crying suddenly.   
"What's hurting, sweetheart?" John asked.  
"How could I leave you alone with this?" He sobbed. "I'm so sorry"  
John said nothing, just held him closer, giving him small kisses in the side of his head.  
"How did you go through with it?" The singer asked.  
"Detox, yoga, sleep... Same as you" John said.   
"No, not same as me. I have you"  
John smiled. "And you always will, so there's nothing to worry about"  
"How did you do it? You're the only reason I'm not giving up. Why didn't you?"  
John looked away, reflecting on Anthony's question.   
"Flea" he said finally. "I guess I thought he was the only one who still cared about me. I thought I would lose him if I let him down, so I kept going"  
"Wow. I think I love Flea more than ever" Anthony said.  
"Yeah, he's a great friend. But don't worry, I didn't tell him. And we don't have to, unless you want to"   
Anthony sighed. "We'll be starting recording again soon... You think I'll be ready?"  
"Yeah" John answered undoubtedly. "And I'll keep an eye on you, don't worry"  
"You know, as bad as I feel right now, I'm relieved it's out. Keeping it from you was killing me" Anthony said.  
"I'm glad I found out. Don't ever hide those things, there's no good in that. I'm not gonna get mad at you, I'll just help you through it. As many times as needed"  
"I know. I never doubted that. I guess I was just embarrassed. I always want to appear strong. I want to be the one who tells you everything's alright. Giving up control... Feels weird"  
"Well, I hate to tell you this, but during this process you're going to feel vulnerable. And you'll learn something great out of it, hopefully. You'll find that life is beautiful outside this darkness you've been immersed in, and you'll learn how many people love you" John started to get emotional. "After rehab, I could see how many people cared about me. I thought I was completely alone, and when I found out I wasn't it gave the reason to be alive I needed"  
Anthony averted his eyes. "I ran away when things got tough on you. But you're here"  
"We had parted long before that" John shrugged. "And let's be honest, I didn't want to be helped. It took me a long time to realise it had to stop. But let's not talk about that. I am okay, and so will you. We'll make a great album and we'll keep playing and we'll be happy together"  
"If I can survive this week..."  
"You will. It's difficult to see it that way, but it hurts 'cause it's healing, not because it's harming you. So if you stay strong, it'll be over soon. And if you can't, I'll be strong for you, as you've been for me many times"   
John kissed Anthony's jaw and shoulder, and then pulled him closer to his chest.  
  
___________________________  
  
Anthony's POV  
  
The following days were hell. Literally. I don't know how I survived. Well, actually, I do. Because of John. He was there by my side every single moment of every single day. He took care of everything so I wouldn't have to worry. He fed me, bathed me and held me. He stayed up almost all night, because I could hardly sleep. He endured my bad moods and my anger stoically.   
This is why, when I woke up and found out I felt better, the only thing I wanted was to hold him and kiss him and thank him for everything. He was by my side, asleep. He looked tired. I snuggled closer to him, and he woke up suddenly.  
"Everything okay?" He asked.  
I giggled. "Yeah, everything's fine. Go back to sleep, I just wanted to feel you"  
"Oh. I can fix that" he spooned me, burying his face in my hair. I felt him breathing in my shoulder and that made me shiver. I turned around and looked at him. His tired eyes stared at me.   
"What is it?" He asked.  
"I love you so fucking much" I answered.  
He closed his eyes and sighed with a smile. "Me too. How're you feeling? Do you need anything?"  
"I'm fine. Better than I've been in a long time. And it's all thanks to you"  
I held him tight as I said that, brushing our noses together.   
"Is there anything I can do for you?" He said.  
"About what?" I asked confused.  
"About anything. Something you want. Tell me. Anything that crosses your mind"  
I thought about it. "I don't know..."  
He looked at me with a cocky smile and slid his hand down my trousers, rubbing me. I sighed.  
"Something like this?" He said, kissing my cheek.  
"Oh, I would love to, but I'm just too tired..."  
"Then relax, I'll do it for you" he said, pulling my underwear down. I tilted my head and let him continue. It felt really good. I sighed as he touched me.  
"Another thing you discover when you're sober is how amazing sex can be" he told me, kissing my chest.  
"You're the best" I said, moaning. "But let's do something different this time"  
He licked my neck and then looked at me. "Sure. What do you have in mind?"  
I turned around and lifted my hips a little.  
"Are you sure?" He asked, hesitatingly. "The first time can be painful..."  
"It's okay. I want it to be with you" I told him.   
He caressed my hips lovingly and kissed my lower back.   
"Okay. But if it hurts..."  
"I'll tell you, don't worry"   
He stroked my cheeks and carefully inserted a finger. I gasped. That was a new sensation. I had never been in that position, not even with Dave, as all my friends think. But if there was someone I trusted to do it with, it was John. I knew he'd take care of me. He worked a second finger inside me and it felt so good I had to ask him for more. He thrust a couple of times, making me moan uncontrollably. Then he removed his fingers and opened the drawer of the nightstand to find the half-empty bottle of lube.   
"Come here" he took my hand and led me to his lap. "You okay?" He asked. I was okay. Nervous, but okay.   
"I'm great love" I kissed him.   
He looked at me fondly. "Good. You'll like it"  
"I know"  
He guided himself inside me slowly. I gasped. It hurt, yeah. But I could handle it.  
He hugged me, caressing my back as he pushed in completely.  
"Is this okay?" He asked. I nodded. With that, he started moving softly.   
The pain melted into pleasure as he started rocking his hips into me, and I panted and moaned loudly, grabbing the sheets on the side. He kissed my neck and I felt his moans near my ear. That drove crazy. Fuck, I loved him so much. I started moving as well, riding him hard, trying to pleasure him. I was tired, yes, but the desire to please him was stronger. He grabbed my dick and stroke it as he rocked into me and I lost control. I bounced in his lap, wanting him to go deeper inside me, as we kissed long and deep. He kept stroking me and pounding until I came in his hands. He bucked his hips into me a couple more times and then he came inside me. We stayed like that for a moment, hugging.  
"Jesus..." I sighed.   
"Did you like it?" He asked. I kissed him in response.  
"Thanks" I said. "For everything"  
"This is it, love. This is the beginning of our life together" he said. "No secrets, no pain, no fears... We've been over everything. Only good things can come now. I'm sure"  
We lied in bed and I snuggled on his chest. We were together. That was it. All that mattered.  
  
  
  



	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright, before you think 'Oh, she's so nice, two chapters in one day!" I gotta warn you, you're all gonna hate me.  
> This chapter contains sensitive information that might disturb the reader. Discretion is advised.

"I told you I feel better!" Anthony protested.  
"I know, but what's the harm of letting me do something for you? I just think you should rest, you know?" John replied. They were arguing because John wanted to go to the supermarket by himself. Anthony, who usually wouldn't complain about that, desperately wanted to go. He wanted to help. He was going crazy inside the house, letting John do everything for him. Not that he didn't appreciate it. He knew John was just taking care of him, but he felt useless.  
"Okay, let's make a deal" John proposed. "I'll go get the stuff and then you cook for me, how does that sound?"  
Anthony sighed. "This has to be the stupidest conversation ever. But fine, I'll take it. You're gonna love the meal so much"  
"I know" John smiled. "See you in a few"  
With that, John left.   
Anthony let out a sighed. He was so bored. John didn't like him going out, he said he had to rest. Anthony didn't contradict him because if someone knew about getting over addictions it was John. But it was fucking killing him. He went to the phone and called Flea.  
"Hey there" Flea answered.  
"Hey man, are you busy? John and I wanted to see wanted come over"  
"Yeah, sure. As long as you don't get all cuddly around me, I'm in"  
Anthony rolled his eyes. "Great, I'll call Chad as well"  
"Good. Be there in 20 minutes" Flea said, and then hung up.  
Just half an hour later, Anthony, Flea and Chad were having a beer in the backyard.   
"Where's John, by the way?" Chad asked.  
"He must me coming back. He went to get groceries. I'm cooking tonight" Anthony said. In a totally unplanned movement, Flea and Chad got up at the same time, pretending to escape.  
"Fuck off, you freaks!" Anthony shouted, but he couldn't stop laughing. "What the fuck is taking him so long? It's not like he went to Spain to get the food!" Anthony said later.  
"Someone's hungry" Flea smiled.  
"I'm bored, Flea. I swear, I know I'm in recovery, but feeling good and not being able to do anything it's unbearable"  
"Let's go take a walk then" Chad proposed.   
"Yeah, I don't think John will like it" Anthony said unsure.  
"We'll explain him. Plus, you're with us, we can take you home when you get tired, even if you want to keep walking" Flea said. "Or we can go to the supermarket and meet with John there"  
"Alright, you convinced me" Anthony said. He really wanted to go out. He grabbed his coat, scribbled a note to let John know where he was in case they didn't run into him, and left.

___________________________

John finally got out of the supermarket, after a long queue to pay. He grabbed his bags (quite heavy bags) with a little difficulty, and walked home. It was dark already, since it was winter. He took one of the alleys that led home more directly to get there quickly.  
"There you are" a voice said behind him. John petrified. "Stop pretending, jerk. This is all your fault"  
_This is not happening, keep walking, this is not happening,_ he said to himself. But he just couldn't. He stood still, although everything inside him was telling him to run away.  
"You told him to do that, didn't you? I went to jail because of you" Mark grabbed his arm and turned him around. "That idiot tricked me for you, right?"  
John couldn't talk. He didn't know what to say anyway. _This is it, he's gonna kill me,_ he thought.  
"Answer me, faggot!" Mark yelled at him, and John wanted to respond but he just couldn't. He'd lost his voice. "Alright then"   
Mark hit him in the face and John lost balance. Before he fell, Mark grabbed his arm.  
"I believe we were in the middle of something, weren't we?" Mark whispered in his ear.  
_Oh God, no, please just kill me_ , John thought. A tear streamed down his cheek.   
"I said I was gonna be gentle and you got away. Maybe you like it rough" Mark pinned him up against the wall. "You're just an attention whore, aren't you? You want to have everyone's eyes on you. I almost fall for that. Luckily I didn't"  
John struggled against Mark's grip, but he had his body pressed against him so it was impossible for the guitarist to get away. Mark pulled down his trousers and his underwear roughly.  
"Jesus, I'm going to enjoy this. You know you deserve it, right? You teased me and then you got away to play the poor victim in front of the idiot of your boyfriend. How do you think he's gonna look at you now?" He whispered in his ear. John was a mess of tears by now. "Even if he believed you, even if he thought you didn't want this, he'll always pity you. Eventually you'll lose him, you'll lose your friends and family too. But shit, I'll make sure you remember this"  
Mark punched John in the stomach and pressed him against the wall, holding the back of his neck. When John heard the sound of the belt being unbuckled, his heartbeat increased and his stomach clenched.  
"Please..." He begged in a whisper, although he knew it was in vain.  
"Oh baby, it hasn't even started" Mark grinned. He pressed himself against John so he could feel his erection, and then pushed inside of him roughly. John cried out of pain as Mark started to thrust in and out of him. It felt like a knife cutting through him. And there was no way out of it. That monster was using and abusing him and there was nothing he could do about it. He was useless, defenceless. Done.  
As the pain was wearing him out physically, Mark's words and moans of pleasure were killing him psychologically.   
"You're just a worthless piece of meat, and after this your boyfriend will realise it" he murmured, pushing deep inside him.   
"Don't worry slut, there's more after this"   
Mark pulled his hair, making his head tilt, but it didn't matter anymore. John gave up. He closed his eyes as he sobbed silently, trying to get away mentally, but Mark was moaning right in his ear, making it impossible for him to think about anything but the nightmare he was living.  
Some minutes later, that felt like hours, he heard a siren. The police. How did they know? What happened?   
Mark pulled out immediately, but it was too late. He'd already been spotted. The officers handcuffed him, as John was taken to an ambulance. The guitarist wasn't understanding a thing, he was shocked and pretty much gone. But he could clearly distinct three familiar faces in the crowd that had formed around the scene. His bandmates were there.

"What's going on?" Anthony asked one of the officers.  
"A convicted escaped from prison, we've been looking for him since yesterday. He was caught during sexual assault" the officer answered. Anthony's heart beat faster. No. It couldn't be. He ran mindlessly to the ambulance, and what he saw broke his heart in a million pieces.   
"John!" He shouted. "Let me in, please. He's my partner" Anthony pleaded to the nurse, tears falling.  
The nurse hesitated, but finally gave in. "Come in"  
"Thank you"  
Anthony got in the ambulance. John was covered with blankets, and his eyes were unfocused.  
"There's no point in talking to him, he's in post traumatic shock" the nurse told him. Anthony felt like the world was over.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope this makes up for the heartbreak of last chapter. Thank you all for your feedback, it really makes me want to keep writing. We're getting close to the end...

"Mr. Kiedis?" A doctor called him. "We've got the results from the tests. Given the circumstances, everything seems to be normal. We've done the corresponding procedures to these cases, and the patient responded favourably. He's awake now, so you can go see him if you..."  
The doctor hadn't even finished the sentence and Anthony was already opening the door. He'd waited three fucking hours to see John. He wouldn't wait any longer.  
John startled at the sound of the door. They made eye contact and, just with one look, Anthony could see everything that was going through John's mind. Fear. Shame. Humiliation. Pain. A lot of pain. But he'd wash it away. He'd take care of him and love him so much he'd take his mind out of the pain. Oh, and then he'd find Mark and he'd kill him.  
"Hi love" he stupidly said.  
John just stared at him.  
Anthony closed the door quietly and went to sit next to him. They remained silent. John sobbed quietly, not daring to look Anthony in the eye now that he was so close.  
"Love?" Anthony finally called him. "I'm here. For anything. Just tell me what you need"  
John kept looking down. "I'm sorry" he finally said. "I'm so sorry"  
"No" Anthony shook his head, holding back his tears. "Don't apologise. Don't ever apologise. You did nothing wrong, please don't think you did"  
"I didn't push him away" John murmured. "I was so afraid I couldn't even try. I'm so stupid. He's right. He's fucking right, I'm so weak I had it coming"  
Anthony felt so angry. He couldn't allow John to go back to the state of darkness he'd been in for so long. He hated Mark for bringing him back there, he wanted to go find that piece of shit and make him pay for everything he'd done.  
"I know what you're thinking" John cried, seeing Anthony's angry look. "And I get it. I'm sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am. I didn't want it, I swear, I didn't enjoy a single moment of that. I know you're angry..."  
"It's not that. Not that at all. Why would I be angry at you?" Anthony was now crying too. "John, I'm gonna say this very clearly: firstly, you're not to blame. Secondly, I'm not angry at you, I'm angry at him. And thirdly, I love you. Unconditionally, for better and for worse, under any circumstances, with all my heart. Okay?"  
John looked at him, not believing it. Anthony realised it, and it broke his heart. But there was nothing he could do. John was still in shock, he'd see things clearly later.  
"Why don't you sleep a little?" Anthony proposed.  
John shook his head. "I can't. If I close my eyes... I remember"  
"Would it help if I laid down with you?" Anthony took a chance.  
"Would you?" John asked shyly.  
"Or course" Anthony crawled up the hospital bed and wrapped John in his arms. John hissed in pain.  
"I'm sorry, did I hurt you?"  
"It's just a bruise, don't worry. Thank you" John said. Anthony kissed his head softly.  
"I'm right here, okay? I'm not gonna leave"  
John didn't say anything. He didn't want to believe Anthony's words, because he feared he might change his mind later. However, he allowed himself to relax a bit in his arms. _It might be the last time after all_ , he thought. He didn't sleep, but he did rest.  
  



	29. Chapter 29

The following day, John was discharged and allowed to go home. Anthony was relieved. In the intimacy of their house, maybe he could get John to open up. The ride home was discouraging though, 'cause John didn't say a single word. Anthony knew he shouldn't strain him, but at the moment all he wanted was to hold John tight and beg him to tell him everything that happened. But he'd tell him in time, right?   
"I'm a bit tired, I'll go lay down" John said when they got home. And that was it. But Anthony wasn't gonna give up. A couple of hours later, he went into the bedroom quietly, in case John was sleeping, which he doubted.  
"Hey" John said softly when he saw him.  
Anthony smiled almost imperceptibly and walked towards him.  
"Is it okay if I lay here?" He asked. John just nodded. Anthony laid in bed next to John and gently put a hand in his shoulder. John stirred a bit and his body tensed.  
"It's me John" Anthony reminded him. "It's just me, and I would never hurt you, okay? No need to be nervous"  
John relaxed a bit, and Anthony started caressing his back lovingly. John felt strange, a mix of comfort and fear. _It's Anthony, he'd never do me any harm,_ he said to himself, _he's not gonna hurt me, he's not Mark, he won't..._  
"John? John calm down babe" Anthony soothe him. John hadn't realised he was panting, but after some moments he came back to reality. "I'm sorry, I should have asked if it was okay, I..."  
"It was. It was okay. This isn't because of you, don't worry" John breathed deep. "I think we should talk" he said weakly. Anthony's heart lightened.  
"Alright" he answered.   
"Have you... You know... Made up your mind?" John asked shyly.  
Anthony looked at him confused. "About what?"   
"About everything. About what you're going to do next" John explained.  
"Well, we just got home. I guess I haven't planned that much" he shrugged.  
"Don't make it harder, please" John's eyes watered.  
"I don't mean to, I just don't understand love" Anthony tried to get closer, but John seemed reluctant so he stayed in his place.  
John took a deep breath. "Okay, let me put it this way. Are you leaving?"  
Anthony couldn't believe what he was hearing. What the fuck? What was he asking?  
"No, I'm not leaving, why the hell would I?" Anthony asked, not quite understanding.   
"What did he say to you to make you think I could leave? John, I assure you, he was lying. I'm not going anywhere"  
John sighed, although he wasn't convinced at all. "Okay"  
"No, it's not okay. Talk to me, please" Anthony begged.  
"Anthony, you know what happened. What good could possibly come from us talking?"   
"It would ease your pain. At least a little" Anthony told him. John didn't answer. The singer looked at him thoroughly. He saw a lot of scars and bruises from the struggle and remembered that the doctor had given him an ointment for them. "Look, if you don't want to talk about it, will you at least let me help you with the physical pain?"   
John shrugged. It was the last thing that bothered him, but maybe that would conform Anthony.   
"Alright"  
Anthony looked for the ointment and sat next to John. He pulled up his shirt to expose the scars and caught John's scared look.  
"I have to do this to apply the ointment, but that's all I'm gonna do" Anthony said. "May I?"   
John nodded. He hated being so scared all the time. Especially around Anthony. If there was any chance he'd stay with him despite everything, he was blowing it. What John didn't know was that the idea of leaving had never crossed Anthony's mind.   
The singer slowly rubbed John's wounds, looking at him the whole time to reassure him.  
"I'm sorry I'm being so gruff. I can't control it" John explained.  
"I know love. Don't worry. I'm not judging. I just want to help you feel good"  
"Doesn't it bother you?"   
Anthony stopped what he was doing and looked at him intently. John gulped. _This is it, he's gonna leave me_ , John thought. The sole idea broke his heart. Anthony held his hands tightly.  
"It doesn't bother me, John. I can't stand knowing you're in pain, but that's all. I wish I could take your place. You have no idea how much I'd like that"  
"You don't know what you're saying. What he did to me... It's indescribable. I would kill myself rather than seeing it happening to you"  
John sobbed quietly. Anthony could see how ashamed and hurt he was.  
"Then tell me what happened. Please, I can cope with it. It's horrible and devastating, but I can"  
"I'm not sure I can" John said.  
"I'll help you then. Just give me a chance. John, nothing you say is gonna leave this room. I will take this secret to my grave if you want me to. And I'll be here for as long as it take for you to recover"  
"That's the thing. You wouldn't be... with me. I'm not the same, Anthony. I don't think you'll like what he's turned me into" John cried.  
"Try me" Anthony pleaded.  
"I can't. I'll lose you. Please, don't make me do it" John looked down, and Anthony pulled him close to his chest, holding him tight.   
"You're not gonna lose me, ever. I know it's hard love, I know" Anthony said. "I know you feel horrible and I wish I could take the pain away from you. And maybe I can, if you're willing to share it. As for me, I'm willing to help you carry the burden. I may never know how you feel, but I'll always try, you know"  
John cried quietly against Anthony's chest, working up the courage for what was coming.  
"He confronted me in the alley" John finally said. "He told me he'd gone to jail because of me and that now he'd finish what he had started. He pinned me up against the wall... I couldn't move, I was petrified and he was pressing all his weight against me... He said... He said I had teased him. He said I had teased him and and then I had ran away... He called me an attention whore and said I deserved what he was gonna do to me. Then he.. pulled down my trousers and my underwear..." John couldn't continue, he was panting, so he stopped and tried to calm down. Anthony was so angry, he wanted to go find Mark and kill him in front of John, so he would know he was safe. But instead, he soothe his hurtful boyfriend. "He insulted me and hit me... He said that after this I'd be done. He punched me and when I was weak he pressed my face against the wall... He rubbed himself against me... It was disgusting... And then... Then he did it. He just... He pushed in and... And he just broke me. It actually felt like it was breaking me. I thought I was gonna die, it hurt so much. I thought that even when it ended I wouldn't be able to get back to my life ever. He just kept thrusting hard, hurting me, humiliating me... You can't imagine how it felt... And it wasn't only the pain, he was emptying me with every thrust... I just... I gave up"   
John looked at Anthony, blushing, trying to read his expression. He felt comforted when he saw just love and compassion. No hate, no anger, no judgement. He really was just trying to help. That gave him the courage to keep talking.   
"When he pulled out... You know, because of the police... I was so confused... I was just relieved it was over, and then someone picked me up to take to the ambulance. That's when I saw you. I know you weren't judging, but I just... I didn't want you there. I didn't want you to see me like that. I felt so... Used. It was like they were all laughing at me, although I know they weren't... But..."  
"But you were in shock. It's understandable" Anthony finished the sentence for him. He gave him some minutes to calm down. "Thank you for telling me, I know it was hard for you"  
John nodded. "So? What are you gonna do? I will understand any..."  
Anthony just kissed him in response. He couldn't listen to John saying those things. Then he felt guilty, he thought maybe he'd freak out. But instead, John kissed him back. For a couple of minutes, they kissed lovingly and passionately. John felt comforted by the kiss, it was so soft and gentle. But then... _A dark alley, and a hand pulling his hair... Loud, deep moans in his ear, as a sharp pain ripped him apart..._  
John broke the kiss and looked away, tears falling from his eyes.  
"I'm sorry. I... I freaked out, I..."  
"It's okay" Anthony cupped his face in his hands. "I'm not him, John. I would never do anything to you against your will. I would never force you to anything. I would never hurt you, in any way. I love you so much. So so much. You just... You have no idea... I'm so sorry this happened to you. Whatever you need me to do, I'll do it. Whatever eases your pain. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you"  
John closed his eyes and squeezed them. "What is it, love?" Anthony asked him.   
John opened his eyes slowly, sighing. "It hurts" he simply said.  
It broke Anthony's heart, but at least he was saying how he felt.  
"I'm sorry love. Is there anything I can do?"  
"This is so unfair Anthony" John said. "I just wanted to be with you, I didn't want anything else. I didn't want to be with Mark, I didn't want it even before he attacked me the first time. But now he's taken all, he just came and took it all with him. I remember everything, you know. Every part of it. The way he looked at me, the way he grabbed me... How he wanted to just... Hurt me and make sure he'd take everything from me"  
"But we can still be together John. He's not taken that from you" Anthony said.  
"Hasn't he? Be honest Anthony. How long can we go on this way?"  
"Well, I'm planning on going on until the day I die" Anthony stated. John was about to huff, but the singer's expression was dead serious and it moved something inside of him. So maybe it was true. Maybe he wasn't going to leave him. Maybe Anthony could really cope with it. John thought about it. He didn't want to get his hopes up.  
"What did he say to you?" Anthony asked softly. "What did he tell you to make you think I was gonna leave you?"  
Anthony put a hand in John's shoulder and the guitarist forced himself not to flinch. _It's just Anthony, he loves you, he won't hurt you,_ he said to himself.  
"He said you would hate me because of it" John said, his eyes closed. "Or pity me, and I honestly don't know what's worst. He said I had teased him and then acted like a victim in front of you. That he was just treating me like the worthless piece of meat I was and that after that you would finally realise it"  
Anthony was now boiling inside. How could he? He would have destroyed him just raping him, why did he have to do that? The singer was desperate to bring John relief, so he did the only thing he could think of. He held out a hand, and searched for permission in John's eyes. When he found it, he put his arm around his waist and snuggled closer to him. Their lips brushed together. It was a magical moment. John was a bit tense, but at the same time he wanted Anthony to touch him. He wanted a proof that he could be touched without it meaning pain. Anthony's hands wandered around John's body.  
"Wh... What are you doing?" John asked, a bit nervous.  
"Just trust me, okay? If you don't like it I'll stop, I promise" Anthony said, but did nothing until John nodded.   
Anthony moved his hands across John's back, caressing him and soothing him with calming words, kissing his chest and shoulders lovingly. John wanted to relax, but he couldn't help but think. Where was Anthony going with that? What did he want? He knew he wouldn't hurt him on purpose, but what if he got carried away and couldn't control himself?  
"Anthony..." He called him in a sighed.   
"Yes love?"  
"You would never... Do that, right?" John asked fearful.  
Anthony looked up at him. That question was like a knife in his stomach. "I'll do whatever you want. Want me to stop?"  
John thought about it. "Not really"  
"Okay" Anthony smiled, to reassure him. He resumed what he was doing, gently kissing and caressing John.  
"It breaks my heart to think how much you're suffering" Anthony told him. "With me you'll always be safe. I'll never force you to anything. This is the only kind of touch you'll get from me"  
John held out his hand for Anthony to take it. He was now relaxed.   
"You can do anything you want to me" John said suddenly. "I trust you, even more than I trust myself. I know you won't hurt me, I know you won't let anything harm me"  
"Of course love" Anthony said.   
"Just go slow, okay?"  
"I'll go as you want me to"   
He kissed John's jaw and then stared in his eyes. They pressed their bodies together.   
"Let's go to sleep babe" Anthony said, wrapping his arms around him. "You think you'll be able?"  
"I don't know. But I'm glad you're here. It'll make it easier" John answered.  
"John, no matter what happens, I will always be here. Unconditionally. Don't ever doubt it" Anthony told him.  
"I love you" John simply answered. There was no point in asking more questions. Anthony seemed sure enough.  
  
  
  
  
  



	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very emotional chapter, which took me a long time to write and correct. I hope you like it. I managed to add a few more chapters and an epilogue, so don't worry, you'll get a little more. Lots of love.

The next day, Chad and Flea went to visit. John didn't want to see them, he was too embarrassed. He knew they'd been with Anthony when he was being carried into the ambulance and he just didn't think he could face them. But of course, they wouldn't take no for an answer when it came to his friend's welfare. And deep down, John knew they'd be understanding and caring. He knew they loved him and they wouldn't see him different because of this.  
The doorbell rang, and Anthony went to open.  
"How is he?" Were Flea's first words. Oddly enough, it comforted Anthony.  
"He's... I don't even know. He's in pain. And he's ashamed. But on the other hand he's better than yesterday. He told me... What happened. I don't think he would like me to tell you but I guess you can imagine... He raped him. That's more or less everything"  
There was a dead silence until Chad spoke.  
"Anthony, we have to find the bastard. Like, he's so dead" Chad clenched his teeth.  
"You guys are the best. Thank you so much" Anthony said, from the bottom of his heart. The boys looked at eachother confused.  
"Any time" Flea answered, nonetheless.  
They got in.  
"He's in the bedroom. I'll go check first, okay?" Anthony said.   
Chad and Flea followed him, but waited outside while Anthony got into the room.  
"Hey babe. Are you awake?" The singer softly asked. There was a movement beneath the sheets and John's head popped out.  
"Hi. Yeah, I was just resting" he answered.  
"Great. Look, the boys are here, mind if they come in?"  
John looked doubtful.  
"If you prefer, I can tell them to come back later. They wouldn't mind" Anthony added.  
"No, it's okay. I'm just kind of embarrassed, you know. I mean, they saw me... Then" John flushed.  
"Yeah, but they just want to be with you. They don't judge you, I mean, no one would. You didn't do anything wrong" Anthony tried to reason with him.  
"Yeah, I guess you're right... Okay then" John said, although he was nowhere near to be ready.   
Anthony opened the door. "Come on in guys!"   
John sat on the bed as the two musicians came in. Without a warning, Flea threw his arms around him, hugging him tight. Anthony was about to intervene, but John seemed fine with it. He hugged him back, closing his eyes. That was the kind of reassurance he needed.   
"I was so fucking worried John" Flea told him, still holding him, tears threatening to fall. "I love you man"  
"Me too" John answered. "Thanks for coming"  
When they finally broke apart, it was Chad's turn. He hugged him and patted his back friendly. He wasn't as demonstrative as Flea, but his feelings were the same.  
"So how're you feeling?" Chad asked.   
"Like shit" John stated. "But it makes me feel better having you here. Anthony's been taking care of me and I'm just... Trying to get by"   
"Well, we got something for you that might cheer you up" Flea told him. "If you feel like getting up, of course"  
"Yeah, sure" he got out of bed. The three of them noticed he was completely dressed even though he'd been sleeping, but didn't say anything.   
"You two wait a moment here" Flea told John and Anthony.  
He and Chad went to the living room. The couple waited, hearing things being moved, dropped and a _for fuck's sake Chad be more careful!_ They giggled with curiousity.  
After a moment, Flea opened the door.  
"Okay, you can come now"   
Anthony took John's hand in his and they went to the living room. They gasped in surprise. In the living room there was a drum set, a bass, a guitar and a microphone. Pleased with their reaction, Chad and Flea went to their instruments and looked at them expectantly. Anthony turned to John and put a hand on his lower back, leading him to his guitar. John picked it up uncertain.  
"I don't know if I'm fit for this" he laughed nervously.  
"Oh, I know" Anthony replied, and gave him an encouraging smile.  
They started playing. First they were just improvising, but it slowly evolved into one of their songs from the new album. John, as always, was playing great. Flea smiled, seeing him lost in the music. He knew it'd be curative, and would give ease his mind, at least for a moment.   
After playing for two straight hours, Anthony said he'd get something to drink and Flea went to help him. Chad looked at John, who was putting his guitar aside with a happy sigh. The drummer saw the kid who had joined the band all those years ago. Creative, full of energy, with a talent that escaped his comprehension... Maybe he'd really get better, if that kid was still inside him...  
"What're you looking at?" John caught him staring.  
"Sorry, I just... I don't how you feel but... I was thinking that... Nevermind, it's silly" Chad blushed.  
"No, is not. It made you reflect, so it can't be silly. Tell me" John insisted.  
"Well, you looked so happy playing... I honestly didn't know what to expect while I was coming here. But now I know you'll get better"  
John smiled. It was a beautiful thought. He walked towards him to hug him, but stumbled in the way.  
"Wow, careful!" Chad said, catching him before he fell. John stood up quickly, pushing Chad away aggressively. The drummer looked at him confused.  
"I'm sorry" John sighed, blushing. "I freaked out, it's... Instinctive. It has nothing to do with you"  
"It's alright" Chad told him with a smile.  
John nodded, but he was still agitated.  
"John, what's happening?" Chad tried to put a hand on his shoulder, but John pushed it away.  
"It's okay! I'm fine" he said, defensive. "Just... Don't touch me, okay?"  
Chad looked at him, feeling helpless, until John finally calmed down. He sat on the couch. He looked frustrated and sad.   
"Hey... Do you need anything? D'you want me to call Anthony?"  
"No, I... I'm sorry, it's just... I know you're not... I know that. But in my head..."   
Chad felt awful. "Is this because of the feelings I used to have for you?"   
"No, it's because if everything. It's because I can't stop remembering what happened. And I'm terrified it's gonna happen again"  
"John but I would never..."  
"I know! But I don't see you... It's hard to explain... It's like... I remember... How it felt" John looked down, fighting his tears.  
"Alright, it's okay. You don't have to explain anything. Just... I promise you won't have to go through something like that ever again"  
"Thanks. But that's not what's worrying me the most right now"  
"Then what is it? You can tell me, you know"  
"Anthony's gonna leave me" John said. Chad looked at him confused. "Maybe not now, nor in the near future. But he will. I mean, there's no way he'll stay with me if I freak out when he tries to hold my hand"  
"The fuck you're talking about?" Anthony said, coming back from the kitchen. John and Chad startled. "I'm not going anywhere, alright? Stop saying those things, I can't stand it"  
John didn't answer, he just looked down at the floor.  
"Chad, let's go" Flea said, but Anthony grabbed his arm.  
"No. Stay. Maybe with you here he'll actually believe me" he looked at John. "I'm not leaving your side unless you want me to. Do you?"  
"Of course I don't!"  
"So? Why John? Why would you think I'll give up on you?" Anthony asked, his voice cracking. "I want nothing more than to be with you. I want to love you and take care of you until your pain goes away. I want to wake up every morning next to you and make you feel like there's nothing you can't overcome. I want to hold you close to me if you're scared and assure you nothing could ever harm you. I want you to look after me if I'm sick, and get frustrated when you won't let me do things 'cause I'm still not recovered even though I know you're right" Anthony couldn't hold his tears any longer. "I can't imagine my life without you. Please don't lock me out. Please... Don't get away. I know you're hurting. I know you're scared of getting harmed again and you're withdrawing into your own thoughts to protect yourself, but I could never hurt you. And I don't just mean physically, I mean I would never mess with your feelings. I would never break your heart"   
John finally looked at him. "What if I break yours?" He said.  
Anthony didn't understand. "What do you mean?"  
"What if I can't do it? What if I never get over it? You would have to endure seeing me live in constant fear, flinching whenever you touch me, feeling sorry for me..."  
"I don't feel sorry for you" Anthony said undoubtedly. "I just want to help you. John, I'm willing. I'll stay by your side, helping you get through it even if it takes the rest of our lives. I assure you, it will happen in time. But if it makes you feel better, you can be sure I'll stay even if you don't"  
The room fell silent, and Anthony walked towards John and held his hands firmly but gently.   
"What's it gonna take for you to believe me?" He asked him softly.  
"I do. I believe you" he replied.  
"Good. Then don't worry about me, I'm not going anywhere" he cupped his face in his hands and stared at him intently for a few seconds before leaning down and kissing him gently. John kissed him back shyly.  
"Bravo!" Flea shouted, and started to clap.   
"Fuck off" Anthony told him, but he was smiling as he held John tight.  
"I'm gonna write this and sell it to Hollywood" Chad said. "Do you have a piece of paper?"  
"Yeah, do you need me to tell you where to go look for it?" Anthony fired back.   
"Good one" Flea commented. "I think we'll leave the lovebirds alone for awhile"  
"Yeah, you must have a lot to talk about" Chad agreed. "We'll see you later"  



	31. Chapter 31

After Flea and Chad left the house, Anthony draped an arm around John.   
"So... How're you feeling now?"   
"Better, I guess. I don't know really. I feel strange. It's like nothing is the same lately. I try to ignore what happened, but it keeps coming back"  
"Well, we'll figure it out" Anthony said. "We have plenty of time"  
John buried his face in the crook of the other's neck. "You make me stronger" he said.  
Anthony couldn't help but smile as he held him tight. He feared he'd overwhelmed John, but now he knew he was doing the right thing. He was helping him and John could tell. To restore his self confidence would be the first step, the doctor had told him. And that's what he would do. He'd make him feel good with himself again, until he could never doubt how much he was valued and loved.  
"I've got an idea" Anthony said. "Follow me"  
John looked at him curious, but followed him nonetheless. They went to the bedroom.   
"Lay down babe" Anthony told him. "Don't worry, okay? We don't have to do anything" he added, but John didn't seem scared anymore. A little nervous, yeah, but not scared.  
"You can do anything Anthony, I trust you completely" John said, laying down on bed. "Just... Be gentle, okay?"  
Anthony's heart jumped at John's request. My gosh, how could anyone have hurt such a pure soul like that? Anthony pushed those feelings away. He had to focus on John. He went over to him and held his hand, intertwining their fingers. He kissed his hand and then leaned down to kiss his forehead. Then kissed his cheeks, the tip of his nose and finally his lips.   
"All I'm gonna do is kiss and caress you" he explained. "You stop me at any moment. Then we can lay down. If you like it we can do it often, to help you get used to the touch. And if you don't, we can find another way, alright?"  
John nodded.  
"Good. Just tell me, okay?"  
Anthony gently helped John out of his shirt, and then caressed the sides of his neck. John shivered a bit.   
"Relax babe. You okay?" Anthony asked. John nodded, so Anthony continued. He gave him small kisses in his collarbone. John felt oddly relaxed. He felt a lot of tension loosening, and tears started to stream down his face. Anthony looked up at him.   
"What's the matter, honey?" He asked.   
"I don't know..." John sighed. "It wasn't you, it's just... I've bottled up a lot of things and now that I'm relaxing... I guess it all got out" he giggled between tears.   
Anthony felt himself getting emotional. That was a very good sign, letting it out was really important. To avoid bursting into tears, he kissed him gently.   
"That's good dear, that's really good. Let it all out. I'll dry your tears as many times as needed" he said. "And if something crosses your mind just tell me. Don't hide anything, I wouldn't judge nor dismiss any thoughts you may have. Just let it out. I'll listen"  
John nodded in agreement, and Anthony resumed what he was doing. At a given point, he crawled up the bed. He didn't get on top of him, he just stood above him so they were face to face. He traced a finger through his face slowly, looking him in the eye lovingly. Then went down and kissed his neck, brushing his nose against him every so often. _Maybe he's right_ , John thought, _maybe if I tell him I'll feel better_. John took a deep breath. Once he says it, there's no way back.  
"I'm scared" John whispered, surprising Anthony, who looked at him.  
"Of what, love?"   
"Do you want me?" John asked.   
"Of course honey!" Anthony answered, not understanding.  
"I mean physically" John insisted. "Just answer honestly, I'm not accusing you of anything"  
Anthony sighed. "Yeah. Yeah, I do. But I swear to God I would never..."  
"I know" John interrupted him. "That's not why I'm asking. You see... The idea of someone... Thinking of me that way, it frightens me in a way you can't imagine. That's why I freak out when someone touches me or something. Not because I think they're gonna hurt me but because I just remember what it was like... To be wanted that way. When Mark... When he did what he did, he looked at me with lust and wanted to take me and use me to satisfy his needs. Thinking that someone else wants me that way scares the shit out of me"  
Anthony reflected about that. He could finally understand John's fear. He sat up and took his hand lovingly.   
"Remember that morning, the day my withdrawal symptoms were finally starting to cease?" Anthony said.  
"Yeah. Why?"   
"Remember what I asked you to do? I said I wanted you to make love to me" Anthony recalled.  
John blushed. "Yeah, I remember"  
"I was very nervous. Giving up control is scary. But something I learnt that day is that sex is about caring for eachother's necessities. I remember you that day. I saw lust in your eyes. I knew you wanted me. You wanted to satisfy your needs with me, but you wanted me to enjoy it as much as you, right?"  
"Yeah, of course"  
"And it felt amazing, because you wanted me, and part of that was wanting me to enjoy it"   
"But that's different. Now you want me in a way I can't fulfill"  
Anthony leaned down and kissed him, pressing their foreheads together. "I want you. I want you so bad. I want to have you. But you don't want me to, and it's alright, end of story. Because it wouldn't feel right to just satisfy my needs. In a consensual relationship, the other one's pleasure is as important as your own. That's the different between the way he looked at you and the way anyone else would. What he did was an act of violence, it wasn't sex, it wasn't desire"  
John thought about it. It made so much sense. He felt a wave of relief taking over him. It wasn't over, it would take time for him to feel safe again, but it was a start. Now, whenever he was in a situation like that with Anthony he wouldn't feel threatened by his desires. He started to cry again, and Anthony held him close.  
"Let it out love, let it all out" he said.   
"I love you so much, you have no idea" John told him.   
"I love you too. We can try this tomorrow again"  
"Yeah, it'd be great. Thank you" John could have agreed to anything, he just wanted to be with him. Anthony was achieving what he thought no one would ever do. After Mark's attack, John felt like his life was over, he thought there was no way he could go on after that. But now he could see a light. Now he looked forward to the future because he could see himself getting better. And it was all thanks to Anthony. He wanted to repay him, he wanted to give him something in return.  
"Babe?" John called him.  
"Yes love?"   
"If you want to... You know... Take things further, I think I can" he said, a little unsure. Anthony looked at him surprised and stared at him for a few seconds. Then he leaned down and kissed him deeply.  
"No" he said, when they broke the kiss.  
"No?" John was confused.  
"No. Because you proposed it because you think I want to"   
"And don't you?"  
"No, because you don't want to. Period"  
John sighed. "You gotta let me do something for you. Anything. What can I do for you?"  
Anthony chuckled lovingly. "You don't have to do anything, ever. You don't owe me anything. I'm happy being with you. You make me happy, that's all that matters"  
John blushed. He never knew what to answer when Anthony said those things. It made him feel so special and loved. Could he ever make him feel the same way? Could he ever show him how he felt the same for him?  
"Is there anything you need to talk about?" Anthony asked. "What's on your mind?"  
John fell silent for a moment. It had helped him to talk to him last time, right? So maybe it would work this time.  
"I feel like I'll never be good enough for you" John said. "You don't need to answer, I know what you'll say. I just wanted to tell you. I don't think you realise how good you do me. You can actually make me feel happy in the middle of the worst moment of my life. Yesterday I felt like I was nothing and now I feel loved and appreciated. I hope I can do the same for you sometime"  
"You already do love. I'm not doing anything you wouldn't do for me"   
John shrugged. "You would never be in this situation in the first place. You're smart"  
"Hey! Don't. It's not your fault" Anthony almost scolded him.   
"I went through that alley in the dark all by myself"  
"He fucking raped you! Don't you think he's more to blame?" Anthony shouted, and regretted immediately. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that" Anthony apologised, but John seemed pleased.  
"You really don't blame me at all?" He asked.  
"Babe, it's not only that I don't blame you, is that you're not to blame. You were a victim, it will never be your fault"  
John sighed and hid his face in the crook of the other's neck. He started sobbing softly, blushing. It was kind of embarrassing for him, he'd cried a lot in front of Anthony the past few days. But Anthony didn't mind. Well, he did, but not because it bothered him, he just didn't want to see him suffer.   
"I don't want you to think this could be your fault in any way" he told his boyfriend. "That's what you can do for me, be nicer to yourself. That would really make me happy"  
John looked up at him. "I'll do my best" he said.  
"Good. But if you ever need help with that, I'm here alright?"  
"I know. That's the only thing I can be sure of right now" John said.   
"Then I did a good job" Anthony said, more to himself than to John.   
The guitarist rested his head in Anthony's chest, and the singer held him close. Yeah, he'd done a good job. John wasn't feeling alone anymore. He knew he had him. For the first time in God knows how long, Anthony smiled genuinely. Somehow he knew it would be alright.   
  
  



	32. Chapter 32

**A MONTH LATER**

 

John woke up agitated.  
_It's just a dream_ , he said to himself, _another fucking nightmare._  
He looked at the clock in the nightstand. 3:07 am. He had still plenty of time to sleep. If he only could. He didn't want to wake Anthony up, because between his withdrawal symptoms and John's nightmares it was the first time in over a month that he was having decent sleep. But his heart was racing and he felt he was about to cry. He tried to calm down by doing breathing techniques he'd learned in his yoga lessons, but it didn't work. He felt sick. He got up from the bed and went to the bathroom, where he threw up.   
"Sweetie?" Anthony asked sleepy. He walked towards the bathroom to find John gripping the sink and breathing hard. "My God, what happened?"  
Only then, John noticed him.  
"Oh, sorry to wake you. I started feeling nauseous, I must have eaten something bad" he lied.   
Anthony rolled his eyes. "Really? At least come up with something good. You're nervous, it's fine. Tomorrow's an important day" Anthony went over him and threw his hands around his neck. "Come back to bed. I'll take care of you" he told him. John smiled and followed him.   
Anthony started kissing him gently on the side of his head.  
"Love, I'm not really in the mood for..."  
"Shh. I know. That's not what I'm doing" Anthony interrupted him. "I just wanna take your mind out of it"  
Anthony wrapped him in his arms and started humming softly in his ear.  
  
"...and the songbirds keep singing like they knew the scores... And I love you, I love you, I love you... Like never before" he finished singing. John was now visibly relaxed in his arms. "I would never let anything harm you. You know that, right?"  
John nodded, his eyes closed. Anthony kissed his forehead and kept holding him, until they both fell asleep.  
  
_______________________  
  
  
"Oh fuck... Damnit..." John mumbled in complaint. He was in the living room in front of a mirror, fighting against his tie.  
Anthony put a hand in his shoulder.  
"Here. You're just getting more anxious" he told him, grabbing the tie. He tied it and then gave it back to John.  
"Thanks Anth" John said with a weak smile.  
"You have enough in your mind already. Take it easy okay? All you have to do is tell the truth"  
John felt better, in spite of his nervousness. "You'll take care of everything?"  
"Of course I will" Anthony answered, happy to see John was in a better mood. "There's no reason why you should be worrying about anything but your testimony. You didn't put yourself in this position, so it's only fair"  
"You didn't put me in this position either"  
"No. But I want to take care of you"  
"Yeah, I'm going to need you to take care of me. This day is gonna wear me out" John commented.  
"Good thing I'm prepared then" Anthony hugged him and kissed him quickly.   
"Excuse me" a woman came into the room. It was their lawyer.  
"Susan. Come in" Anthony told him.   
"I didn't mean to intrude, but I need to talk to you about our plan of action for today" Susan said.  
"Oh, sure, go ahead" John said.  
Susan hesitated. "I'd really appreciate it if I could talk to each of you separately"  
"Sure, I'll wait in the kitchen" Anthony said.  
Once they were alone, Susan and John sat down.   
"This is just a preparation for your testimony, but if you want to share this information with Anthony later, nothing stands in the way" she began. "Before we start, I must warn you... It's gonna be tough. You'll have to talk about things that you'd probably prefer not to, and they're gonna do anything to undermine your testimony. They'll say you're lying, they'll say you asked for it, and they'll probably try to turn Anthony against you. Of course, that's not gonna happen, but their goal isn't necessarily to make him believe them, is to make you feel insecure about what you're saying. Which is why I'm gonna ask you to do something that's very hard. Ignore them. Answer their questions coldly and, if you can, show them disgust. But not more than that. Tell your story the way you want to, but when it's time for them to talk, be indifferent. Don't give them any credit. That way, you'll be more believable, and you won't let them affect you"  
John listened carefully to everything Susan was telling him. Fuck, it would be really hard.   
After they finished, he went to the kitchen and told Anthony it was his turn.  
"Okay" Anthony said. "Hit me"  
"This is difficult Anthony. You're in a complicated position" Susan said.   
"Why? What do you mean?"  
"Did you attack Mark Jones?" Susan asked.  
"Yeah, when I saw him the first time I beat him. But it was an act of defense, right?"  
"It could really complicate things. That's exactly the argument the defense needs. You're gonna have to be extra careful with what you say. Try not to sound angry, if anything, show how devastated you were. Your feelings are only directed to John, you can't seem furious. You don't care about Mark, you care about John"  
"Okay, I can do that" Anthony said.  
"One more thing" Susan added. "It's just a possibility, but we need to be prepared..."  
  
Some minutes later, they got into the car and drove to court. The trial was about to begin.  



	33. Chapter 33

"We did it love!" Anthony hugged John. They were at home, having a drink with Susan.  
"I know. It's unbelievable. I can't believe he's in jail. This is heaven, it really is" John said, smiling. "And it's all thanks to you"  
"Nonsense. You were so brave love" Anthony told him. "It was remarkable, you did great. And Susan, you were fantastic. You're our guardian angel"  
"Just doing my job guys" she took a sip of his drink.   
John got up and walked towards the kitchen. "I'll go get something to eat"  
"Great, cut some of the cheese I bought yesterday" Anthony asked.   
"Sure. Be back in a bit"  
Susan leaned over the table. "You're handling it very well" she told Anthony, when they were alone.  
"It would break his heart if I told him" Anthony replied.  
"I'll try to find a way to keep a low profile. Hopefully it'll be just paperwork. In any case, there's no need to tell him, or anyone, just yet"  
They quickly changed the subject when John came back.  
"I couldn't find the cheese you said" he commented.  
"No big deal" Anthony wrapped him in his arms. "This is a night to celebrate"  
Susan looked sideways at him, slightly concerned. Anthony shook his head almost imperceptibly. No need to worry, not then at least.  
  
____________________________________  
  
"I can't believe it! I mean, he fucking... He's a rapist!" Anthony shouted. He and Susan were at his house. The singer had asked Flea to take John out, to keep him away while he and Susan sorted things out.  
"I know. The judge is not discussing that. But you attacked him..."  
"I was defending John!"  
"It doesn't matter for them!" She said. "You attacked him before he committed the crime. There's no way to prove he assaulted John the first time. Is your word against his. So technically you could have acted out of jealousy because your boyfriend was cheating on you"  
"I know what I saw"  
"And I believe you. Trust me, I want nothing more than to get him to pay for what he did. But there's no way we can fight this. Let's just hope it ends in just a bail. And that it doesn't go public"   
Anthony sighed frustrated. "This is so unfair"  
Susan put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry. I really am. Will you tell him?"   
"I don't know. I mean, I know that if he finds out someway he'll be mad because I didn't tell him. But at the same time I don't think it would do any good"  
  
"What is it?"   
Anthony and Susan turned around surprised and found John standing in the doorframe.  
"What is it that won't do any good telling me?" He repeated.  
Anthony sighed. "Come here. You better sit down"  
"No, I don't want to fucking sit down, I want to know. Anthony, I appreciate everything you've done for me. You have no idea how much. But don't fucking hide stuff from me, I can handle the truth. It's the uncertainty that I can't bear. Is it something about the trial?"  
"Sort of"  
"I think I'll give you two a minute" Susan attempted to get up.  
"No, stay. I think you'll explain it better than me" Anthony said.  
"Alright"  
"What is it?" John asked again.   
"I've been prosecuted too. Because I attacked Mark" Anthony confessed. John didn't say a thing. His expression was hard to read. "Love? It's fine. I'm not going to jail or anything. Susan says I will probably just have to pay a bail"  
John remained silent. Anthony got up and walked towards him. "Nothing's gonna happen to me. I swear"  
John held out his hand and Anthony took it. "It's not fair" the guitarist said.  
"What happened to you wasn't fair. This is just money"  
"You shouldn't be paying for this. In any way. You're the reason I'm here. Literally, you're the reason I'm alive"  
"Susan, tell him" Anthony asked.  
"What he's been prosecuted for is a minor crime" Susan explained. "They probably will make him pay a bail. But they're delaying this in the hope that he backs off, because if he complies and says he did it out of jealousy to end this quicker, Mark could have a lesser sentence"  
John gulped. "Why?"  
"Because that would be admitting he attacked him out of jealousy, which would be saying he didn't assault you the first time"  
"Which won't happen" Anthony assured. "There's nothing I want more than seeing that bastard behind bars... Well, maybe seeing him dead, but that's not the point. Is not like they can do anything until the verdict, and Mark's already in jail. Babe we'll get out of this, I promise"  
John held Anthony's hand. "Don't hide those things from me" he asked.  
"I didn't want to worry you more, you've got plenty on your mind" Anthony said.  
"I know, but I can still help you. I'm not that fragile"  
"Babe, you've proved that. You have no idea how strong you are. You've gotten over everything. Let me take care of you in this"   
He hugged him tight.  
"It's gonna be alright. I promise"  



	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everybody, this is the last chapter! I can't believe how much I enjoyed writing this story, I hope you've liked it too. Enjoy the last one!

Days later, they received the verdict. A 100 thousand dollars bail. John was upset. Anthony was relieved. Susan got a big raise.  
"Think of it this way" Anthony told him. "Now it's over. Mark will spend the rest of his days in prison and we'll be totally free to do as we please"  
"I just think is not fair at all. It was self defense, you were protecting me!" John exclaimed.  
"And as long as you know that, it's enough for me" Anthony replied. "As long as you have the certainty that I will always be right there to protect you whenever you might need me, that's all I need"  
"Well, you've made it pretty clear" John leaned over to kiss him. Anthony responded eagerly.  
"I love you" John mumbled in Anthony's lips.  
"I love you" Anthony repeated.  
They deepened the kiss, and Anthony carefully sat John on the couch, caressing the back of his neck. Soon they were splashed on the couch, on top of eachother. They held and kissed one another lovingly. John ran his hands through Anthony's back, making him purr, and the singer licked John's neck in response. John moaned.  
"Anthony..." He called him, a little unsure.  
"Yes honey..." Anthony panted, as he kept licking and kissing John's body.  
"Wait... Wait a minute" he almost pleaded. Anthony stopped.  
"Of course" he said. He looked at John with a comforting smile, so he could tell there was nothing to worry about.  
"I just... I need a moment to..." John didn't know how to finish the sentence.  
"It's totally alright" Anthony answered. They remained silent for a while.  
"I don't know when I will be ready" John broke the silence. "Maybe I'll never get over it completely"  
"It will take time, I know, but you will. Eventually. Don't pressure yourself" Anthony said.  
"Alright, but if I don't... Don't let it tie you down, okay? I won't get mad, I know you love me. I want you to be fulfilled and satisfied"  
"Then stay with me" was Anthony's reply.  
"Could you take it seriously?" John said frustrated.  
"You think I don't? I've thought about it John, and I always come to the same conclusion. I only want to be with you. So please, stop that. I love you"  
"In spite of everything?" John asked.  
"Because of everything" Anthony answered. "You're so much more than what you see in you. And you're certainly not what Mark did to you. I was in love with you before that and I am now, because that didn't change who you are, okay?"  
John chuckled. "Alright" he said shyly.  
He snuggled closer to his boyfriend, who wrapped him in his arms lovingly. John let out a soft, happy sigh that touched Anthony's heart. It was then when he realised he could never leave. Even if he tried. Even if he wanted to. He loved him. He loved him so much. He loved how modest and humble he was, he loved how he blushed whenever someone complimented him. He loved what a great musician he was, and how he would move anyone who heard him. He adored he would squint to concentrate better when he played his guitar, and how he would make the most beautiful sounds effortlessly. There was nothing he loved more than hearing him play. There was nothing in the world he wouldn't do for him to be happy.  
Anthony looked down at the gorgeous figure curled in his arms and a fleeting thought crossed his mind.  
"Will you marry me?" He asked spontaneously.  
John looked up at him, his big doe eyes staring surprised. "Yeah" he said. "Yeah, of course I will"  
Anthony couldn't hold back the tears as he held and kissed John.  
Once more they had proved that there's nothing their love wouldn't defeat. Knowing that made John's pain disappear for a moment. He felt light and safe. He was happy.  
They spent the rest of the day talking about the wedding and the preparations and the bows and all that stuff. All the things Anthony never thought he'd be doing. And now he just couldn't wait. He wanted to shout their love to the world. He wanted everyone to know they were together and they had nothing to hide. He wanted to be with John in every aspect of life.  
  
"Who would have thought Anthony Kiedis would settle down?" John commented when they were getting ready for bed.  
"Well, that's one of the things only John Frusciante can do" he answered.  
"Should we invite Dave to the wedding?" John teased him.  
"Yeah, for sure. And bring Kyle, he'll be my best man"  
"You know, once we tell the guys we'll never hear the end of that" the guitarist laughed.  
"I bet a hundred bucks Flea will cry..."  
  
  
And before they realised, they were standing at the altar. Of course, Anthony won the bet. Flea cried his eyes out. And Chad almost did, but his pride wouldn't let him. The papers exploded with the news, everybody was astonished. Teenage girls cried at the door of the venue like at McCartney's wedding in the 60's.  
And the couple... Well, they were oblivious of the world that kept moving around them. Strangely enough they were very calmed.  
"That's what happens when you find true love. You don't need to be nervous, because it just feels right" Flea told Anthony at the party.  
"Yeah..." Anthony sighed, as he watched fondly at John dancing with little Clara. "It does... It's gonna be great"  
He went over and joined them for a bit, until Clara went to dance with his dad. Anthony grabbed John by the waist just in time for the slow dance. They kissed sweetly and held eachother, following the music vaguely until the end of the night.  
  
The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was the end, my friends. Thank you very much for your support. I would really appreciate if you told me what you think of the story now that it's complete. I'm thinking about starting to write a sequel, so please let me know if you'd like that. Love you all!


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